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Re: Managing a therapeutic relationship Dinah

Posted by pegasus on August 5, 2009, at 13:15:57

In reply to Re: Managing a therapeutic relationship pegasus, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 11:20:24

Dinah, I wouldn't be surprised if you were right. I bet some people don't have as much capacity to become attached and/or internalize a T. I imagine that it's probably on a continuum. I guess I'm lucky that it worked out for me. I wish I knew what the variables are that determine whether it'll work. One thing is that I think I'm fortunate to have a lot of good support resources. Even so, it was about all I could take.

I also have had object constancy problems. And despite the pretty picture I painted in my last post, I have gone back and forth a lot in terms of believing in that relationship, and having my ex-T internalized. But what has improved is that I know that, and I do remind myself of that when I get into the dark side where I think I'm worthless and no one would ever remember or care about me. What I'm able to do now that I couldn't before is say, "Whoa now. That's the black. I want the white. What could be the gray that is probably the truth. That gray is actually pretty good, isn't it?"

I would think that fourteen years could be considered giving it a decent try. From what you say, though, it sounds to me as though you have internalized your T quite a bit. Maybe not perfectly, but I hear you saying that you are fully aware that he cares about you. I think that awareness is part of it. Maybe not the warmest, fuzziest part. And yet, do you think you could have been so aware of it 14 years ago?

peg

 

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