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Re: The Therapy Update -- LONG Dinah

Posted by TherapyGirl on June 13, 2009, at 18:37:09

In reply to Therapygirl?, posted by Dinah on June 12, 2009, at 14:38:11

So I've been taking Bayleigh to therapy with me at T's suggestion. I think it's just to keep me distracted. She asked me Thursday night if I wanted to talk about her leaving (we haven't discussed it in at least two weeks). I said, "I have nothing new to add. Do you?" She said, "No."

I sighed and took a moment and then I said, "This is why I'm frustrated with you. You don't seem to want to do this. I tell you something, you say this is good to know and act like it's new information and then you don't follow up. I don't know if you forget what I tell you or if it's just easier for you to walk away from me if we don't deal with it, but it's very frustrating."

Of course, she sees it differently. The thing I told her recently (that seemed to come as news to her) is that it's not that I think she can fix this for me, but I need her to teach me how to manage the pain and the sadness and the panic for after she's gone. She really acted like this was brand new information, while I feel like I've said different versions of this for MONTHS. She said this was good and helpful for her to know. That night, she asked me again about a new T (I said no and reminded her that the last time I went to a different T, she sent the police to my house to "escort" me to the hospital). She encouraged me to connect with all of you here online (I already do this and I love you guys, but typing words on a computer is not going to fill the gap that she leaves). And then she encouraged me to connect to more people in real life. I left with the impression that she would do some additional thinking about this and continue the discussion. She is apparently under the mistaken impression that the discussion is over -- she's made her suggestions. Is it just me or is this TOTALLY LAME and inadequate?

So this week she wants me to tell her (again) what I want her to do. I looked at her and said, "I'm out of words. It's like you've never met me." She said that just because she didn't understand what I was talking about didn't mean she wasn't connected to me (uh, yes it does). I told her that I was apparently incapable of making myself clear and I didn't know how else to say it. She started asking me what I was going to do to fill my Thursday nights. I looked at her like she was from another planet and said, "Thursday nights are the least of my worries. I'm worried about the middle of the night, about what to do when the anxiety and depression come back and I don't have you here to anchor me." She said something completely lame about how it's been years since I've idealized her and that I am overstating what she is to me and what she gives me. I think she is understating it to make it easier for herself.

I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm at my wit's end.





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poster:TherapyGirl thread:900637