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Throwing away the transference part?

Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 12, 2009, at 19:23:29

In reply to I'm OK, but why didn't she call me?, posted by FindingMyDesire on June 7, 2009, at 13:33:22

OK, so I see how I am projecting my anger towards my wife onto my T. I see I am projecting my child-like needs that I had for my parents onto my T. I see how I am projecting my unexplored/unfulfilled sexual desires onto my T. I see how I project my desire for intimacy and connection with another human being onto my T.

I also see how she is just a regular person, with a (paid) job to care for me and help me grow and heal and move on with my life in a more meaningful and fulfilling way. And then I will be saying goodbye to her.

In the meantime, she *forgot* to call me. So, boom it happened. This was the first time ever. Now I know what that feels like and it wasn't the end of the world. But it *felt* like the end of the world. And that made be feel like a pathetic baby. This made me realize how much need I truly have for her right now and I think it's too much. I just want to dial it back a little bit. Or get rid of as much of it as possible. Can't I just talk myself away from it? If my feelings for her are fake, and hers for me are professional, then why waste time talking about all of that?

If I know I'm projecting everything onto her then I can just start talking about my real life and not my fake life with her. I don't need the biggest hurts in my life to come from someone I can't even invest in. I should be focusing on my family and my partner and trying not to let all of that fall apart.

There's so much I wish I could take back - starting with my behavior last weekend. I feel like I got scolded for it. I don't think I really did, but she just set some good boundaries. The process of talking about it though felt cold and detached. I'm sure it wasn't for her, really, but to me I felt like she was gone from me. I feel like things have officially changed now. And they will never be the same.

I feel like a snail without a shell. Crawling across hot cement. With spilled salt everywhere. And someone with big feet walking my way.





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poster:FindingMyDesire thread:899835