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Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc. blahblahblah

Posted by garnet71 on June 12, 2009, at 19:14:59

In reply to Re: Support for psychotherapy patients, etc., posted by blahblahblah on June 12, 2009, at 1:30:53

Yeah, overwhelming transference. So I've chosen female therapists over the years, and never got ANYWHERE. Although my father was the in-your-face abuser, I realize my mother never parented me; perhaps we never attached. I have very vague, dispassionate, somewhat indifferent feelings associated with her. So why would transference occur with a male?

My mother let me drown except i was saved by a lifeguard at my moment of death when I was 5, almost let my sister drown in a river until my Dad saved her. She let (and enabled) my father to sexually abuse my sister and I, my brother physically abuse me while she locked herself in the bathroom while I was screaming, though I can't remember any more than that, and knew a doctor had sexually abused me once...cause that's one of the things that happened in my teens that I remember, i don't remember much from childhood, but she did nothing...and lots more..always did nothing but enable it all. I really feel for her, that she may have had post-partum depression for years (all 3 of us she used birth control with before she became pregnant; self-sabatoge?), I feel sympathy for her but little empathy; I think she secretly wanted us all (her 3 kids) to die. I thought about the abuse from my father all these years, only recently (past 2 years) realized, I think, my mother's behavior was more harmful than my father's. She always used to say, always, she wished our father died. He died when he was 46. My father went through horrific phsyical and emotional abuse as a child, I mean horrific, and I always thought he did the best he could; felt more empathy from him than from our mother. So why would I feel transference from a male and never a female therapist? I had parents, yet I feel like I grew up with no parents. Not even one.

My doctor had me feeling like a vulnerable little girl. I don't remember ever feeling that way, but that's the only way to describe the strong emotions. The only emotion I remember from childhood was feeling like an adult, that I never needed or depended upon anyone for anything. I can distinctly remember the day I was free-the day I lived on my own, with my son, the day I had to rely on no one but myself. Why do I feel needy with this doctor???

OMG-yes, I know what you mean!




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