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New therapy from PDoc - can anyone explain?

Posted by garnet71 on June 11, 2009, at 7:41:40

I never engage in the discussions here about therapy becaues I could never relate. My past therapists were more "friends" with me than anything else, which I told this new doctor. I liked my past therapists, but I think maybe I've never been in 'real' therapy before, despite years of exchanges w/therapists off/on. I started seeing this new psychiatrist and am sort of confused about the whole thing. I did engage in therapy about 9 years ago for PTSD and major depression with a guy who did a similar approach though not as intense; it only lasted 5 or 6 sessions because he passed away. It seems he was the only therapist in the past who really made a diff. and after only just a few visits, it was noticable.

So this new psychiatrist does psychotherapy, he makes no small talk at all-doesn't reveal anything about himself. As soon as I walk in his office, he starts with intense probing that last till the minute I leave. So this was the 2nd time I visited him, and I thought my reaction and behavior with him was very strange. Can anyone explain this? I think it might be good he's not going to be my "friend", but I'm sort of scared. I called him last night and left a message at his office to call me because I'm concerned about how I felt last night. I had major chest pains when I left his office, a strange sort of awareness of a "hidden/emerging" type of anxiety I felt was buried that I could somehow control. I never had anxiety like that before. Followed by feeling depressed, crying, then becoming totally exhausted. Sorry this is long!!

This is what I wrote about the experience:

In continuing with my history today, I had the most uncomfortable conversation of my entire life with another human being. We didn't talk about medications because he said we still have to continue my background/history next week.

It was scary that he had me feeling like a vulnerable little girl. But yet I was joking or had a nonchalant attitude about everything, not purposely, and I didn't realize I was doing this, until he asked me why I was doing that instead of crying, and I said because my family and life had been so rediculous, there's really no other way to act anymore when thinking about it all. I was just trying to discuss everything rationally so he could get a clear picture, but for some reason had the hardest time articulating things; I couldn't really think and kept fidgeting and playing with a pillow.

I feel very strange for talking to him that way, then I realized it might have been because he had no body language or reaction/feedback to anything during most of the session, and I couldn't sense anything from his eyes-I've never known someone so difficult to read. And it's not that I should be doing that, but it's automatic and I only realized he was like this after I left because I felt so uncomfortable the whole time. I guess it's social anxiety or something, i remember one therapist who I could immediately see in her eyes she was judging me during one conversation, for example....and just notice that stuff with daily conversations I guess.

So when I left i realized his behavior left me feeling totally exposed, in that with therapists I've gone through hisotry w/before never were like that, and I'd never had a psychiatrist probe me like that before. I think that's why I didn't cry, feeling so vulnerable and exposed. What an uncomfortable realization. My communication behavior was very odd. But I think he did that on purpose to get a specific reaction from me?

I don't feel so well and I noticed i had major chest pains after leaving his office and they haven't gone away. It's a different kind of anxiety I've never had before. I feel sort of confused about the whole experience.

I do feel positive because he has referred to wanting to know "everything" several times, and wouldn't knowing everything lead to a much better treatment outcome? I'm a little worried I don't know how long its going to take for him to find out 'everything', and I couldn't remember 1/2 the stuff he was asking me about, but he did say he could understand why I don't remember. His probing just seems so intense and uncomfortable. I guess it's all for the better though.




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