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A scary thing... (family)

Posted by yellowbird01 on June 10, 2009, at 18:30:33

About a month ago, I attended my (maternal) uncle's funeral. I wasnt very close to him. He was in his 50s and died of cancer, having been diagnosed only a few months prior. He left behind a wife and two adult children. His current wife is his second marriage.. theyve been married since I was probably 10 years old. At the funeral, she approached me and asked me to call her. This was odd because I hadnt seen her in 2-3 years, and we've never been close. She said she'd tried to find my number but it's unlisted. She could have asked my parents for the number, but didnt, so I found that interesting also. I promised to call her, fully intending to, and never did. It was scary... because I barely know her, and because of what it might be about. I knew it was something weird, since she clearly wanted it just between us.

I got a card in the mail today from her. She'd written inside of it her phone number and email address and asked me to get in touch with her. She said she was surprised by the lack of visitors while my uncle/her husband was so sick and wanted my help to understand more about his side of the family. That's exactly what I thought it might be related to.....

I consider myself to be the healthiest member of my close family.. and it has taken a LOT of work to get to this point. But I still struggle with things. My family is VERY disconnected. My parents were quite negligent in many ways as I was growing up. Child welfare was involved. I question a lot whether my parents, mother in particular, even has the capacity to feel emotion in the way normal people do. She's not mean or nasty, she's just.. disconnected.

I hate this situation. I'd LOVE to connect with a competent family member if I could.. but this is very scary to me. What do I share? My gut says just tell her all I know, which isnt much. But can I trust her? How will she react? She lives apx 2 hours from me, but my T is somewhat close to her home. I'm considering calling or emailing and asking if she wants to meet for lunch or something Tuesday, my next therapy day, when I'm in town. That feels a bit easier. I'm feeling incredibly anxious about this. This sort of sharing is against every unspoken family rule that has ever been. My brain knows that those rules arent healthy or good, but my emotional side isnt positive on that yet.

I didnt get to see my T this week due to a scheduling issues. She told me to call her if I wanted to check in this week, so I left her a message half an hour ago. I'm not in crisis by any means, but I feel like I have to share this with someone who will understand, and understand why it's so stressful for me. I'm not sure why I'm sharing this here on the board.. I just need to get it out somewhere I guess.

This could be a wonderful thing and the beginning of a good relationship. I need to keep reminding myself of that.




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poster:yellowbird01 thread:900350