Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

I'm OK, but why didn't she call me?

Posted by FindingMyDesire on June 7, 2009, at 13:33:22

I'm not in my usual writing mood just now so this won't take too, too long. Just want to feel a bit connected. Therapy has continued to be intense, deep, and amazing. I feel pretty connected right now. (Just saw her yesterday.)

But, unfortunately we agreed she would leave a message for the week and she hasn't done it yet. Usually she would have. These are the possibilities running through my mind:

A. She forgot. I would have big feelings about this one although I would like to think I could handle it. But as I say that, I don't think I could.

B. She was short on time yesterday and now it's a Sunday family day so who knows when she will get to it. Again, I would like to be OK with that, but it only takes 2 - 4 minutes to call me and leave a message so I'm really not OK with this one.

C. She thinks she left a message but there was a technical glitch. This can happen which is why we agreed I would call her if I hadn't heard from her in 24 hours from the time I would expect her to call. That would be right about now. But I can't seem to make myself call. Too vulnerable. Too pathetic. Too much burden on her. Too much.

D. Something terrible happened to her or someone she loves. I just worry then and definitely don't want to call if it could be D cause I would just feel like an insensitive jerk.

E. Another client is in crisis (while I'm not at the moment) and has taken her attention away from me. I feel insanely jealous about this idea, and then, also like an insensitive jerk.


I'm trying to do good things. I'm thinking of really loving (or just supportive, I guess) things she said yesterday and I'm just feeling them over and over in my ears. I'm reading my special notebook where I have written little notes expressing only the times I have felt connected to her. I'm staring at her little tiny icon picture of her on my desktop. I'm telling her how much I love her in my head.

Usually I might be rejecting her and then me... so it's not that bad right now. But I am still asking, what's my next move? What should I do? When do I call? Should I call? Why must I call? See... then the judgments start coming... and it's only Sunday. I have until Thursday potentially to deal with this. I just want control. I don't to hurt, be hurt, be in need, get critical, start to spiral, and then spin out over something like a stupid phone message.

Wow. Somehow I think I just described one of my issues, but I'm too tired to figure it out. Just took and Ativan.





Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:FindingMyDesire thread:899835