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finding the right fit...

Posted by twinleaf on June 2, 2009, at 23:15:37

In reply to Re: If T hurt you, would you go back? Birdsong, posted by Dinah on May 20, 2009, at 21:07:30

When we read about posters' relationships with their therapists here, one thing always seems to stand out- how deeply everyone wants to feel connected and bonded, and how much better they feel when that happens, as well as how agonized they feel when it doesn't, Because almost all of us probably have early histories of inconsistent (or worse) mothering, a strong attachment to our therapists is what most of us long for.

Even in the best therapies, almost everyone seems to go back and forth between attachment and aloneness until late in therapy, when they begin to feel more steadily connected, and are in the process of internalizing the therapist. Then, the work is done!
I think the ability to connect is really necessary, but other things are very important also, such as the "moments of meeting" when both minds really meet in a very emotional, non-verbal way. We also need a therapist who genuinely keeps us in mind every moment we are with them. Interpretations, whether of what we say or what we dream I'm putting last, because I think it's somewhat less important.

From what you have said I don't think that you are being given a chance to develop a bond, even some of the time, or to feel in tune with him, or kept in mind by him the way you deserve to be,

How would you feel about getting three or four new names, interviewing them all, and choosing the therapist that you'd most like to see?

 

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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090515/msgs/899153.html