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Re: Back to the same yucky place Annierose

Posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:22:02

In reply to Back to the same yucky place, posted by Annierose on May 29, 2009, at 21:18:09

I think you may have hit on an important point. Cultural difference or personality difference, it is true that people react differently to anger. You might be someone who reacts hotly, while she might react coldly. And the difference in style might definitely create friction.

Is she willing to admit this dynamic?

I know it's a valid point, because I'm one who usually gets cooler when I'm angry. It depends on the type of anger of course. But sometimes I definitely get calmer, more rational, more analytical, use larger words, etc. Which can be infuriating I'm sure. Of course, other times I am hotly angry.

Maybe one route around the impasse for both of you is to acknowledge that you are different in this way, and that those differences will drive each of you nuts at times. In accepting that, maybe you could find some positive in the future skirmishes of personality type. A point where you accept each other for who you are. Which is pretty wonderful really, on an emotional level. And not half bad on a therapeutic level either. Since in acknowledging and accepting that different people express anger differently, and interpret expressions of anger differently, you can see how your particular style might influence your interpersonal relationships in general, not just with her. (And she could look at the same thing of course.) With the judgment taken out of it, you could be more compassionate with yourself as well as with her? I find when I accept something about myself, it is oddly enough a bit easier to moderate the trait at times than when I judged myself harshly.

Just an idea. I'm butting heads with my therapist a bit over a different issue, but I'm thinking along those lines of acceptance.

I'm sorry you're in that yucky place. Why is it that we generally do find ourselves in the same yucky place over and over again? Maybe it would be more hopeful if we at least found ourselves in different yucky places?




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