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Re: here's the message she left raisinb

Posted by Dinah on May 29, 2009, at 23:09:46

In reply to Re: here's the message she left Dinah, posted by raisinb on May 29, 2009, at 20:25:53

> I'll be f**ked if I call her, though. After so much rejection, my self-respect would take a serious blow if I did that.

If I'd had that kind of exchange with my therapist, and called him back, would you think less of me? I don't think you should respect yourself less no matter what you do. Both are perfectly valid choices. I think it's easy to judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others. I know I beat myself up sometimes over things that wouldn't bother me in the slightest in someone else. It's ok to call. You left a message. She totally missed the point. You're angry. Calling or not calling are both ok. Whatever choice you make from this point is a form of communication with your therapist. It's your call which one would be most satisfying, or communicate most effectively what you wish to say in a way she'll understand.

> Not to mention I think "I'll assume everything is fine" is absurd under the circumstances. I am considering just not showing on Monday. What she does or doesn't assume is not my problem, and assuming that things are "fine" is either her being completely asinine or disturbingly dishonest.

Yeah, they are shockingly oblivious at times. If you don't show up on Monday, do you think that she'll understand why? What reaction would you want or expect from her?

What would happen if you called her, or told her Monday, that saying things are fine is completely *sinine? That you are angry that she would say that when, if things were fine, you would hardly have left the message you left. Would she take that badly?

Mind you, I'm the person who telephoned my therapist, informed him that he was a sh*t faced b*st*rd, and hung up the phone. Sigh. He still finds that both amusing and a clinically important step of expressing anger toward him directly.

Perhaps not all therapists are as delighted with client direct expressions of anger.

I guess there are a lot of layers to the dilemma. Whether you wish to continue the relationship, what you think would be the best way to continue it if you wish to, or the best way to gain the distance to end it if you wish that. And those are just the pragmatic issues. The emotional issues are even more complex. It does emotionally make a difference whether she chooses to make an effort to come after you, or if she just holds the door open for you to return to her. Either one could be caring, but there is a different power differential to each.

A lot to consider.

(But then I probably consider way too much in relationships. I'm hopelessly pragmatic, so this may all be a bit too cold blooded to be helpful.)

 

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poster:Dinah thread:898180
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090515/msgs/898385.html