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Re: contacting out of sessions. How does that go?

Posted by FindingMyDesire on May 29, 2009, at 11:52:00

In reply to Re: contacting out of sessions. How does that go? blahblahblah, posted by antigua3 on May 29, 2009, at 7:30:14

I call her a lot right now to leave messages. I say whether or not I want her to return the message and she will. We rarely talk in person. Even on the rare occasion when she returns my message within a couple of minutes, I don't pick up. A couple of times it has been great to talk to her on the phone - when I have been in a major crisis, but even then she tends to limit these calls to 10 minutes and so while helpful, it hurts. As for other times (when I'm not in a terrible place, but just starting to slip into one) it's awful to talk to her. She sounds short and controlling like she is just being so careful to limit me so that she can get off. I have a hunch that what is really going on is that she wants me to feel a little more connected but to somehow hold my need until we can get together and really work together. Plus, of course, there are her real life time constraints and the reality of that. But in any case, this is generally more hurtful to me.

I have also found recently that's it's easier to "lie" to her on the phone - hide what I really need and she has more trouble reading me. Then I get more hurt and more angry. I'm trying to be better about that cause I'm learning if I'm forthcoming with my desperateness, she actually can and will help me.

Mostly she leaves me encouraging messages when I ask her to. I listen to them over and over and over all week long. I have even recorded some and put them on my iPod. Sometimes I even sleep to the sound of her voice on these messages. Yup, I just admitted that.

The more my T and I have talked about the boundaries and expectations we both have about these in-between contacts, the better it has gotten. I have been able to use these more and more as a tool. So, that's my encouragement to you, blahblahblah. Talk it out, as HARD as that is.





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