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Re: Ever Been In An 'Intensive Outpatient Program'

Posted by Jayy on May 25, 2009, at 17:00:32

In reply to Re: Ever Been In An 'Intensive Outpatient Program'??, posted by jouezmoi on May 24, 2009, at 9:16:49

And Howdy to you Jouezmai,

Thanks! :O) I am always lucid and coherent... OK, and I'm not a dummy usually. :O)
Yes, I guess those are good signs, but honestly I really dont know if they would be signs of bi polar 2 (o r of not having it).
I "diagnosed" myself with it after reading info such as on here and also after somehow discovering this other message board ( )

Apparently that Stephen Fry is some British actor... I have no clue who he is but I somewhere read about him and then saw his board where I seem to relate to so many of the people and their issues.

But again, I don't know for sure what I have: I was under the impression that the new Psych. I went to would be further testing me b4 he made an official diagnosis, but according to the woman who runs that program he already has me diagnosed.

You also could be right about a trauma back in 94... I'd love to be able to discuss it (and everything) at length with a shrink but I dont see that happening any time soon.

I would never go into a hospital (unless I was in enough physical pain). Not only could I not handle being locked up with strangers for that long, but I also have a variety of "weird" issues: Such as I could never use a disgusting public toilet (I dont care how clean it may appear... it's been used by countless people). I'm pretty much a vegan and literally can't stomach eating if there's something dead and repulsive nearby that I can see and smell. I couldn't stand to eat or be around unhygienic people... I couldnt use a strange shower... I have to brush my teeth in the shower and I couldnt do that in a gross hospital shower... the sink would be worse.
The list is endless... I dont know you would call all that, but I have all kinds of issues like that.

As far as other programs go, I dont have many options. There are other hospitals but none that are easily accessible or that I'd be able to get to. The one that I've been talking about (it's actually a separate building not even located in the hospital) is just a few towns away. My friend who live with is supposedly going to be lending me his car to get back and forth to this place but that would mean that he'll have to take the train to work every day which would be a huge expense (from LI to NYC everyday, then a subway and then a van to NJ where he actually works).

I know he's going to screw me over before Thursday and I'm going to end up having to walk to the train station, taking the train two towns over and then walking to the place from there.

I wouldnt mind that so much but it's almost June and I wear nothing less than jeans, sneakers, shirt (with a button down shirt over that or wind breaker type jacket to disguise my fat and physical "deformity" which I dont believe I mentioned b4... or maybe I did, I don't recall).
All that combined with the anxiety makes me sweat and unimaginably hot. I despise the summer and dread ever leaving the house in the heat... and there's no way I'll be dealing with heat stroke and sweating like a pig every day.

I don't what's gonna happen: I'm supposed to start this place at 8am on Thursday: They already have my records transferred over from the guidance center I've been at for years. I have no clue when I'm supposed to see the new Psychiatrist and I still have an appointment for Tues 6/2 with the nurse practitioner at the guidance center.

It's all so ridiculous and disorganized...

> Dear Javy,
> I have read your post ... twice. What amazes me is that you seem to be very intelligent, very lucid and very coherent. That is a very good sign. I do not think that you are bi-polar 2, and I do not think that long term medication is going to do you any good. I also do not think that you have thyroid problems, or that group therapy will work for you. I also agree with your feeling that this would be another disappointment and waste of time.
> I think you are carry a very deep psychological wound dating back to prior to 1994. That trauma in there has resulted in behaviour that, instead of relieving the problem, has exacerbated it - adding more trauma upon the original one. I say this because you are describing situations to which I can relate. It may not be the same circumstances but the pain and the effects are very similar.
> Unless you can find someone competent at "exorcising" that pain using various techniques (not just talk, but EMDR or neurofeedback ... something that also addresses the physiological impact of this trauma), I do not expect you will get the relief you need. If you do go on medication, it should be to control the effect of addressing and releasing that trauma, which in itself can be painful as well.
> Hospitalisation may be a good option, because then you can be aggressively treated, but only if that treatment involves individual daily therapy first, and medication only to manage the psychological effects of therapy. Can you find out what other programs may be out there? Are you limited to that hospital only?




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