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Re: I wish I hadn't cancelled my appointments )o: wittgensteinz

Posted by sharon7 on January 27, 2009, at 19:49:40

In reply to Re: I wish I hadn't cancelled my appointments )o: sharon7, posted by wittgensteinz on January 27, 2009, at 19:12:01

> I know this is probably the last thing you might expect but maybe she will be honoured that she holds such meaning for you. I remmeber when I talked about some of my (mostly fatherly) transference for my T he said he felt honoured that I felt that way toward him. It isn't easy to talk about these things - in fact probably one of the hardest things - but getting it out into the open can be a powerful experience. It could well help bring you both closer. It's ok to be scared though.

Thanks, Witti. Yes, I'm very scared. I've even been thinking about calling it quits with her and cutting my losses. I guess I have to decide if I'm willing to risk her rejecting my request for her to help me work through my problems with maternal transference (that I really want to stop!) and to let her know (somehow) that she's now my maternal figure and I never planned for that to happen. It's probably causing a lot of problem in therapy now because I won't come out with it, then if I think she's aloof or something one day, I have these meltdowns (thankfully, not usually until after I leave! If I start melting while I'm still in her office, I just don't say anything, just cry. I know my reactions are very immature but I can't seem to help it. I don't know what she'd say. She's a very wonderful, kind person so deep down I know she would make me feel okay for whatever I wanted to tell her. She wants me to open up and discuss my feelings (I guess they all probably want that, huh?) I think the biggest problem is that I never learned how to express love and feelings to people because feelings were not something that were ever discussed when I was a child. I just assumed my mother loved me, but she has never said the word (love.) Both my sister and I neither one have any recollection of ever sitting on our Mother's lap, being held, hugged, stuff like that. I'm certain that not having a bond with my mother is why I have the problems I do now. Anyway, I just want to be over that now. I miss my t very much right now, but I would never be able to say that to her. Thanks for your kind words and support. this is a great site. I never thought I'd ever be able to talk about this kind of stuff with anybody! - Sharon




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