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Re: Favorite child antigua3

Posted by rskontos on January 24, 2009, at 20:10:46

In reply to Favorite child, posted by antigua3 on January 23, 2009, at 10:17:05

Antigua,

I can relate to this. I often was told I was the favorite of my mother's and boy if that is being the favorite I would rather been the unfavorite!

I too strived hard not to have a favorite with my own children. My children have often said that my son is my favored and my son said I favor my daughter. I think that in times of stress each child perceives the grass is greener on the other side.

Each child has their own strengths and their own quirks. Each child will have their own things that will set each parent off. I think the bond between each child and parent will be unique. So for me I have celebrate each stage and how we are close and then gritted my teeth and tried to be patient when we did not agree.

It is tough to be quiet when they try to be their own persons and move outside your comfort zone to be people that you as a parent can't understand. And sometimes you might not like them as they do that but that doesn't mean they suddenly aren't your favorite.

Now I am sure I light up more when I speak about my daughter in certain instances because I understand her actions and behavior because it is more like my own, and the same for my son. And sometimes both elude me because I find their behavior baffling. But my p-doc said that is good because you gave them the strength to move past the point that your parents gave you. You were a better parent so of course you will not always understand them. In short, he gave me permission not to always understand them so I would not necessarily light up then. I would appear more cautious or even confused. That is ok.

I feel now I have a great relationship with both. But sometimes it is rocky because one is trying on being a man. And that is tough for both of us. And one is trying to be a woman. That has its own struggles. But I love each for the wonderful qualities they each have and their quirks too. Neither are my favorites.

I probably would feel like you if someone said XXX is your favorite because I have worked hard not to have one.

I would not worry about his opinion. In your heart you know how you feel. That is enough.

rsk

 

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poster:rskontos thread:875590
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090109/msgs/875960.html