Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Favorite child

Posted by antigua3 on January 23, 2009, at 10:17:05

This came up w/my pdoc last time and it really has been bothering me so I thought I'd see what you guys thought. (If he ever reads this site, I'm dead, he will know it's me! Hope he never does, but it does make me nervous).

My older son was home after the holidays before going back to college. I was telling my pdoc what a wonderful time we had together, and as a family, and how much he has matured, etc., etc.

I have three children. The older one as described above, a daughter in the middle and a younger son.

I also discussed how my teenage daughter & I had had a breakthrough that made me not only understand her better, but see how she sees me, as in how she really does turn to me if she needs help. She has always been a rather "closed" child--she doesn't share a lot of what's going on w/her; I've always thought of her as very private and very loyal to her friends. That said, we do get along well.

My pdoc made some comment about my older son being my "favorite" child, and I went ballistic. I don't have a favorite, and in my heart I truly believe that. Yes, he is my oldest, and first, and we do have, and have always had, a great relationship. We've always been pretty open with each other whereas my daughter is more reserved. Also, just because I don't talk about my youngest, does that mean I love him less? That's ridiculous.

But my pdoc said, "Your whole demeanor changes when you talk about XXX; you brighten up, your body language changes, etc."

I was furious. Is something so evident that I'm blind to it? He isn't my favorite. I don't have a favorite; they're all my favorites.

He wouldn't back down on this, but I didn't get really angry until later, when all those snappy comebacks came to me and I missed the opportunity to "share" them w/him.

Then it occurred to me: Why does this idea make you so mad? Is it because I believed I was the "favorite" one of both my parents, and look what happened to me? As if I wouldn't want to put that label on any of my kids?

But is he right? That's a horribly scary thought for me that this would be obvious to someone from the outside but not to me.

He refused to back down from this. And yes, I do know, that at different times of their lives, our children can be more "lovable" to us, and that there is an ebb and flow to my relationship w/my children. But this isn't what I'm talking about

So what do you think? I honestly believe that I have no "favorite".

Gee, I guess I better really start talking up my youngest!

BTW, my T doesn't agree, but I'm not sure I can trust her to be honest about this.




Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:antigua3 thread:875590