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Re: I think I might give it back *long* raisinb

Posted by LibraryGirl on January 22, 2009, at 10:08:20

In reply to Re: I think I might give it back *long* Dinah, posted by raisinb on January 15, 2009, at 12:09:00

Oh my gosh. This sounds just like my relationship with my first and former therapist. When our connection was good, it was very good, very warm and caring. But a lot of times she'd take things I'd say personally, she'd "blame" me for my lack of being able to talk to her, and by the end (two years) she started saying some nasty things to me before terminating without warning. She was too emotionally involved with me, I think, and we were too emotionally "enmeshed" to really do much good together. Your story of wanting something to keep from her while she was gone reminded me of a similar thing that happened with my former T. It was the last session before Christmas break, I wouldn't see her for a few weeks. She had these soft cushy pillows on her chairs, two of the same ones. I'd often hold one during sessions. I thought to myself I'd love to bring one home, that way it would feel like I was still connected to her b/c I had something of hers plus it was one of two and she'd have the other one. Anyway I'd never ask for this, but miraculously she read my mind and asked me if I wanted to take it home during the break, so I did. We happened to have a good session that day so it felt good to have the pillow. Fast forward toward the end of our time together; she bought me a book that to this day I can't even look at b/c it brings up bad feelings about her. I'm still confused, conflicted, over what the heck happened (or didn't happen). Sometimes I miss her, I write her mushy notes and send her cards. Other times I want to tell her to go to heck and she'll never hear from me again. It's been 3 years almost now and I still can't get over it.

If your relationship with your T is that contentious, and causing you a lot of hurt, then really try to talk to her about it. Don't just leave and then wonder what might have happened if you'd said xyz. Say and do everything you feel you want to put into this, and then in the end if it doesn't work out, then you'll KNOW it wasn't anything you did or didn't do.

Good luck and keep us posted.

> Oh yes, she isn't leaving until (theoretically) late February. Unless the baby comes early.
> I think sometimes I feel there's a fine line between encouraging me to express my feelings and trying to use the session to allay her own guilt, fear, or sense of inadequacy. Or maybe that's projection, too.
> I just...I'm not sure what she's getting at with bringing it up all the time. I've said how I felt about it. And I don't want to wallow. And how does expressing my feelings help? If I do that, she still won't change a thing. So she'll seem even more uncaring.




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