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Re: What a load of cr##.........!!! DAisym

Posted by fleeting flutterby on January 10, 2009, at 11:51:23

In reply to Re: What a load of cr##.........!!!, posted by DAisym on January 8, 2009, at 22:18:38

> One of the things we hear all the time is, "she is just a baby, she won't remember dad hitting mom, or vice-versa." I'm always shocked by how people think about what kids know or how they handle things.<<

----Yea, me too. :o(

> But - I have to disagree with the relient part. I think kids are amazingly resilient - they figure ways to get their needs met, and believe it or not, mostly they figure it out in non-self-destructive ways.<<

------- I'm not sure they actually "get" their needs met in some cases- they just stuff the abuse/neglect away and figure they aren't as worthy as others.... I'm not so sure that is being resilient..??.....

>> I'm not talking about severe neglect and abuse<<

-----Oh, I understand now.

>>but the stats are 1 in 6 girls will be molested before they are 20 and most of them have fairly normal lives. What seems to matter most is the "after." What happened after a traumatic experience? Did they get to talk about it? Did they feel protected and cared for? Did it happen over and over again - like certain painful medical procedures? And a big one - how much control did they have after? Kids who were allowed to set boundaries and were helped to self-regulate do much better.<<

----- Oh what you said here is HUGE!!! That's it!! did they feel heard.... did they get to set boundaries..... all that, Yes!

> Sorry to get all academia here. It is such an important topic about dismissing our own behavior because "they are just kids." But I don't want to not acknowledge how amazing kids are either.<<

---- oh yes kids are amazing-- but, they DO NOT heal themselves and just get over stuff on their own. think that's why I have such an issue with people saying kids are resilient-- they are only as resilient as the family helps them to be.(IMO)

> I'm glad you got it out. What's next from your stream?<<

Thanks! I'm glad too. :o)

oh boy-- what's next?.... I have so much pent up steam.. I'm just beginning!!.... I just have to find the words within all that steam..... which is what I'm working on.

thank you for your reply-- it feels so nice to have all of you "hear" me..... so nice.....





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