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Re: My husband is in therapy antigua3

Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2008, at 7:59:30

In reply to Re: My husband is in therapy Dinah, posted by antigua3 on September 8, 2008, at 9:17:52

Thanks, Antigua.

I don't really want to give the wrong idea about their relationship. When my husband isn't acting like an *ss, they have a great relationship. They have an awful lot in common, and joke and laugh all the time.

The really good thing is that with the help of therapy my son has learned not to internalize my husband's less charming moments, and not to blame himself for them (for the most part). He really does realize it's his dad, not him. Most of the time. That's a good thing, even if it leads him to view his dad negatively at times.

I also have to give my husband some credit. He deals with anxiety and stress by trying to control his environment. I think it's pretty cool of him that when he can be brought to see what he's doing, he makes an effort and changes his behavior. I *might* wish that he could be brought to see it a bit quicker. But the involvement of my son's therapist seems to work if logic doesn't. He really does hold himself to high standards.

I suppose if I were him, I'd be more than a bit frustrated with me as well.

Perhaps it's because my husband does change his behavior, if not for love of us then at least to maintain his self image (not that he doesn't love us dearly of course), that I tend to be optimistic about two people being able to negotiate and renegotiate a marriage that does have its highs and lows. Clearly if a spouse isn't willing to do that, it is a different matter.

 

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