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Re: We both had our eyes at one point Poet

Posted by Racer on September 6, 2008, at 13:12:25

In reply to We both had our eyes at one point, posted by Poet on September 5, 2008, at 17:02:32

I'm so very glad you two had this talk. I think there are ways to get at a lot of these issues without going the whole Goal Oriented, Straight Ahead route. You don't have to be Type A to ace therapy, you know.

And I like your T, too. She's good to you, and I like to see that happening. And she's obviously brilliant, since she agrees with me so often!

> T's other concern is that when I go to my parents house (they've gotten into a Friday lunch pattern with me) and my abuser lives below them. I pray he's not home, but today he was and just seeing him gets to me. T wants me to tell my parents we have to meet at the restaurant, which sometimes I do, but my mother always wants to know why.

You know that old chestnut about parents saying to children who ask why, "because?" Turnabout is fair play.

Mom: "Why should we meet you at the restaurant, instead of at our house?"

Empowered Poet: "Because."

Mom: "But that's not an answer, I want to know WHY."

Empowered Poet: "Because that's what I prefer."

And if Mom continues asking --

Empowered Poet: "I have said that it is what I prefer. In the absence of any compelling reason not to meet at the restaurant, you will meet me at the restaurant if you want to have lunch with me."

And you know what? If you can remember the rule that says repeating a simple statement works far better than trying to explain it, and just repeat that last part -- even distill it down to "If you want to have lunch with me, you will meet me at the restaurant" -- you may find that you feel much better about your weekly Unpleasant Chore.

Or not, of course. But you'll probably feel a hell of a lot stronger.

And I am very glad you got through this. I hope one day you can get through all of it and come out the Poet you've always wanted to be.





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