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Re: Maternal transference (oh so long post)

Posted by JayMac on September 5, 2008, at 23:54:56

In reply to Maternal transference (oh so long post), posted by onceupon on September 4, 2008, at 14:20:06

> I daydream about curling up on the couch with my head in her lap and feeling comforted. Especially as I'm falling asleep or just waking up.

Oh how I know the feeling....It can be sooooo overwhelming for me. I often imagine my T holding me. As I learn how to mother myself, it's comforting to know that she's there. She's constant. She cares. She's alive inside me.

>It's hard to describe how embarrassed this makes me feel (and how difficult it even is to write this down here). I feel young and needy and just kind of ridiculous sometimes. I mean, I am an adult, at least most of the time. I work, I'm a grad student, I'm a parent - I generally function in society from an outside perspective. But from the inside, I sometimes feel like I'm crumbling.

I understand your pain. I often feel the same way.

> I've tried to talk with my therapist about this (albeit in an indirect and hemming and hawing kind of way).

You need to talk about it.
> A part of what makes it difficult for me to talk about the idea of maternal transference with her is a judgment on my own part that I "shouldn't" feel these kinds of things.

Actually, it's quite the opposite, you *should* be feeling these feelings. They are natural, they are healthy. It's ok to feel.

> That to feel such things flies in the face of my competence as an adult. Intellectually I know this isn't true, but my emotional self just doesn't get it. I worry that she'll think less of me/think I'm crazy/be annoyed with me/want to stop working with me, etc. It doesn't help that she is good friends with one of my coworkers (I had started seeing my therapist years before I started working at my current job. When I went back to my therapist after a several year break, I had just started a new job and my therapist told me about her friendship). I trust her to remain professional, but it's just a little unsettling to be confronted with that small degree of separation between my professional and therapy lives.
> So, to sum up this already too long post: I want so badly to be mothered, want to resolve this issue of wanting so badly to feel mothered, and have a hell of a time talking about it in therapy.

It's best that you work up the courage to tell her in therapy. From what you are saying, I feel it would be helpful for you to first write what you want to say to her *as if* you are actually speaking with her. It's something that I do, that I have found to be extremely helpful.

Just write and write and write. Write as much as you want to say to her. Don't worry about what's thinking. HER thoughts should not get in the way of doing therapy with YOU. You are the client/patient. She is there to fulfill YOUR needs. I know it's a difficult concept to grasp, but let her fulfill your needs.

Hugs and blessings,




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