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Re: My husband is in therapy sassyfrancesca

Posted by Tamar on September 5, 2008, at 10:14:37

In reply to Re: My husband is in therapy, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 5, 2008, at 8:20:06

> Oh, sweetie: i was married to a verbal abuser for 31 years. I hope you will read the book that saved my life. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans; I believe this book should be required reading for everyone on the planet.

I haven't read her whole book yet, but I've read a lot of excerpts from it in different places. It was at that point that it dawned on me that it really was as awful as it felt, and I wasn't blowing it out of proportion.

> Verbal abuse affects 1 in every 3 women in the U.S. (probably around the world).
>
> I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group.

That's a lot of abuse. It's scary to realise how much this happens.

> Unless his therapist is specifically trained in verbal abuse, nothing will happen

Wow, gosh, I don't know whether she is trained in emotional abuse but I know that my husband was referred to her specifically for anger management, so I hope her training includes verbal abuse.

> Abuser who go into therapy (unless they are super motivated), rarely stay the course; they really dont believe THEY have a problem.

Well if he doesn't stay the course that's definitely my cue to leave. I hope he is motivated because I have told him that I won't stay with him if he doesn't deal with it, but if his denial makes him unable to get through it then there's nothing I can do about it except make my decisions for myself.

> you need to do what YOU need to do for yourself.

You are right. Thank you.

> Hugs and Love, Sassy
>
> As far as your "bargain"----it didn't include abuse; that is a deal-breaker....

I think that's true. Gosh this is hard. I'm still struggling to believe his behaviour actually deserves the description 'abuse'. It just seems so unlikely. But going by the definitions I've read, that's what it is.


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