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Re: My husband is in therapy

Posted by onceupon on September 5, 2008, at 9:32:54

In reply to My husband is in therapy, posted by Tamar on September 4, 2008, at 16:55:06

You don't sound like a bitch to me. You sound like a woman who has too much self-respect to allow her partner to treat her like sh*t. Please know that in saying this, I'm not implying that if you choose to stay, that means you have no self-respect. I know how complicated the issue of staying vs. leaving can be, especially when it's not just you and your husband in the equation.

Some things can't be undone. It sounds like, in your mind, your husband's actions are too little, too late. And I would be inclined to agree. Even if your husband thinks, "Well, I went to therapy. I've covered my bases," it doesn't necessarily mean he'll feel compelled to change his behaviors.

Sorry if I come across too strongly here. It's hard not to see my own marital issues here. I'm in a similar boat, in that my husband has done some things that I once thought could be repaired, but as time goes by, it's dawning on me that his two affairs (one physical, one emotional) had caused me to lose respect and love for him. And, while I hold onto the ideal of the stable nuclear family that we were supposed to create, that dream is pretty much crumbling in front of me. Like you, I can't imagine being attracted to him or having sex with him ever again.

I don't know if you've agonized about leaving in the same way that I have. It sounds like you've got small children too and ultimately, that's what's keeping me in the marriage.

I hope you keep posting about your process. If you're cool with it, I'd like to give you a hug (Tamar). I know how devastating all of this can feel.




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