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Re: Maternal transference (oh so long post)

Posted by onceupon on September 5, 2008, at 9:18:31

In reply to Re: Maternal transference (oh so long post) onceupon, posted by lemonaide on September 5, 2008, at 8:22:39

> Hi onceupon,
>
> I think knowing what you are missing in your life is a huge progress in therapy. Maybe you are looking for it with others, but I think that is only normal. Don't we all want to be loved, hugged, and wrapped up in a blanket to keep warm and protected? I do, I know. I wish my T could be my father sometimes, he has 6 kids what is one more? I just wonder if we can ever get that need met in real life.

Heh - my therapist has two young kids. I'm imagining she might notice if I showed up on her doorstep, blanket in tow :) Thanks for the reassurance that what I'm feeling is normal.

> I guess maybe we need to learn how to comfort ourselves, which is odd to say because kids who had good parents know how to do this. It is like they don't need their parents like they did when they were younger because of the good job the parent did.
> But it is the ones like us who didn't have that comfort, that still long for it even as an adult.

Yeah, I hadn't really thought about that before, but it makes good sense - kids who don't get appropriate care when they're young have the double burden of repairing past wounds and learning how to comfort themselves. This is always hard for me, because I feel like I've comforted myself forever! Of course, it hasn't always been in the most adaptive ways, but it seems like the next step on my journey is learning how to appropriately give and receive comfort from others.

> I am still trying to work out all of this too, these are just some misc. ideas I am thinking about it. I hope it was okay to write this.

Of course - I appreciate your input and support. It's always good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with something (as I often make myself believe).

 

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