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Re: Maternal transference (oh so long post)

Posted by onceupon on September 5, 2008, at 8:55:48

In reply to Re: Maternal transference (oh so long post) onceupon, posted by Tamar on September 4, 2008, at 16:04:21

> Ah, those deep longings are so hard to deal with, aren't they? And I know they can be a source of embarrassment, and it always seems like such a shame that people should feel embarrassed about wanting to be mothered.
> I often wonder if that sense of embarrassment is part of the transference. I mean, people with crappy mothers are embarrassed about wanting to find maternal comfort because in their own childhood their mothers have responded as if it were inappropriate for them to want it. If your mother had usually given you comfort when you wanted it as a child, you might not feel so embarrassed about the times when you want it as an adult.

Wow, that's a really good point. I hadn't thought of it that way before.

> I wish I had some helpful things to say about your feeling that your therapist drops those discussions. I experienced something similar early in my work with my therapist, and in response to his apparent reluctance I avoided the topic he seemed to be avoiding... for more than two years. When I did eventually start talking about it he was clearly surprised, so it didn't seem to have occurred to him. And on reflection I wish I had found a way to talk to him about it sooner.

Yeah, I'm fairly certain that I perceive a good deal of her tendency to drop the topics. When I approach them, I'm tentative and probably pretty circular in my approach. It's like I'm trying to land a plane, but there's a storm approaching, visibility is low, and my fear of not being able to safely land keeps me locked in an outer ring flight pattern - just going around and around. Maybe I need to just start using a kamikaze approach :)

Once you did bring up the topics that both of you seemed to be avoiding, how did it go?

> But my experience involves a different topic, a different therapist, and a different client! The only thing I can say for sure is that therapy is supposed to be a place where we can talk about our scariest feelings in a place of safety. So I really hope your therapist will be able to hear what you need to say and respond gently and sensitively.

Thanks. She's generally pretty good at responding sensitively. I think I'm just hypersensitive to any signs that she might be feeling annoyed or bored or whatever. Sometimes it helps to think back to times when I have been able to receive her caring and compassion.

Thanks for your response!




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