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it's hard for me....(sorry this got long)

Posted by obsidian on September 4, 2008, at 21:49:26

In reply to Re: Say it again » Sigismund, posted by onceupon on September 4, 2008, at 14:20:53

to do self care that doesn't simply amount to withdrawal and avoidance, a reaction to feeling overwhelmed

I saw my T today. I must have known what I need to do at some level, because the discussion ended up being about self care.

I am taking some grad school classes. I already have a master's degree, but I feel like I need more for several reasons that are valid.
anyway, new routine, new place, new people to get used to and well, there I go again feeling like the most objectionable thing breathing. Feeling less than everyone else, feeling stupid, feeling like a loser, feeling pathetic.

I signed up for three classes. I work full time. It's a big commitment. I am also less than reliable at my job, I struggle to be there, on time and present. I take four freaking medications, including seroquel which makes me sedated and needing more sleep. I'd love to not feel like I need them.
My T thinks three classes are too much. He makes some good points.
Self care? hmmmm...interesting concept
The thing is I suppose that I've never seemed to have my life adjusted to a volume comfortable to me. It's always felt overwhelming, I've felt
thrown into situation after situation that I was not ready for.
oh wait, I have a poem that fits:

Stevie Smith "She said..."

She said as she tumbled the baby in:
There, little baby, go sink or swim,
I brought you into the world, what more should I do?
Do you expect me always to be responsible for you?

What does this amount to? The old "suck it up" idea.
1. suck it up
To endure a period of mental, physical, or emotional hardship with no complaining.
"I don't care if you're sad, get out there, suck it up and deal with it!"

This is not to say however that everything I might experience is a hardship, it certainly is not, but being realistic about my limits and being concerned about my well-being...well, I'm not used to that




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