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Re: Maternal transference (oh so long post) onceupon

Posted by lucie lu on September 4, 2008, at 21:08:31

In reply to Maternal transference (oh so long post), posted by onceupon on September 4, 2008, at 14:20:06


Your longings resonate within me and many others, I suspect. It is so hard to face neediness and vulnerability inside ourselves. We pretend that the longings aren't there but they can eat away at you, forcing you to pay attention.

Early on in therapy it seemed to me that my longings for my T were more or less a side effect of treatment. My view was that I would go to his office and get "therapized," and any pain associated with the therapy itself (i.e. the longings) which started hurting after I left his office - well, those I thought were my problem to bear alone. For quite a while, they were just something I never discussed, never even thought of discussing, and I was way too embarrassed about them to bring them up during the hour.

What broke the logjam for me was journaling, when I brought something in about the feelings he engendered in me. It was 3rd person, not like a Valentine or anything, written in journal style but it got the message across. He seemed really touched. After that, my longings, my loving feelings, my hurts (many seemed to me very childish but they really hurt all the same)all could be brought openly into therapy. It just took that one act to get things started. Maybe you can try something similar with your T.

One of the surprises of therapy is that those longings that we try so hard to keep concealed and disowned are not side effects but actually the heart of the therapy. The longings represent places where we have been hurt. In therapy, those longings and other deep feelings should get taken out and, gently and carefully, examined to see where the hurt lies and how it might be repaired. So feeling bad and embarrassed for having those feelings is counter-productive as it serves to keep those deeper feelings hidden and out of the light of day and they can't be examined to help you heal.

In short, try to accept the longings for what they are, accept that they are painful but they are also helpful in locating where the hurt is and what needs to be healed in you.

I hope you can talk with your T soon, it sounds like you are hurting and need to focus some work on healing in that area.

Take care of yourself, and lots of hugs to you.
((((((((((( Once ))))))))))))))

Wishing you all the best, Lucie




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