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Re: Maternal transference (oh so long post) onceupon

Posted by Tamar on September 4, 2008, at 16:04:21

In reply to Maternal transference (oh so long post), posted by onceupon on September 4, 2008, at 14:20:06

Ah, those deep longings are so hard to deal with, aren't they? And I know they can be a source of embarrassment, and it always seems like such a shame that people should feel embarrassed about wanting to be mothered.

I often wonder if that sense of embarrassment is part of the transference. I mean, people with crappy mothers are embarrassed about wanting to find maternal comfort because in their own childhood their mothers have responded as if it were inappropriate for them to want it. If your mother had usually given you comfort when you wanted it as a child, you might not feel so embarrassed about the times when you want it as an adult.

I wish I had some helpful things to say about your feeling that your therapist drops those discussions. I experienced something similar early in my work with my therapist, and in response to his apparent reluctance I avoided the topic he seemed to be avoiding... for more than two years. When I did eventually start talking about it he was clearly surprised, so it didn't seem to have occurred to him. And on reflection I wish I had found a way to talk to him about it sooner.

But my experience involves a different topic, a different therapist, and a different client! The only thing I can say for sure is that therapy is supposed to be a place where we can talk about our scariest feelings in a place of safety. So I really hope your therapist will be able to hear what you need to say and respond gently and sensitively.




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