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Re: Spoke to therapist

Posted by fleeting flutterby on September 4, 2008, at 10:31:21

In reply to Re: Spoke to therapist lucie lu, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2008, at 21:34:35

> I think maybe my emotional self is too cut off right now to feel any strong desire to see my therapist. He may be one more stuff to me in this mood. All those ties that make up the web trapping me and keeping me from changing in any significant degree.<

---First I'd like to say I'm glad you are safe from the storm.

---Going to try and put this into words........
when I connect to a thing or things or people and that connection is threatened, then I tend to want to push it/them away.... I guess I fear I won't be able to deal with the emotional feelings if I lose them.... I think in my mind it somehow seems safer to "blank" them out-- not care about them, act like they don't matter.

My mom just moved 1600 miles away(to Florida and she lives in a mobile home there, I worry for her safety in the event of a hurricane), though she was an abuser in my life and her presence kept me stuck, I feel I failed in getting her to love me and now that chance is gone. With so many potential emotions, I find I just "shut-off".... become numb..... I'm scared to FEEL and would rather things just not even exist..... then I won't have a loss or feel like a failure. I think most feelings are way more than I can cope with..... :o(

> Maybe evacuating, deciding what in your life is valuable enough that you just can't lose, and fitting all that in the back of a car, is sort of like mulling over ones life when death approaches. Maybe it bothers me that I really can fit everything that really matters to me in the back of a car. Or maybe it has to do with realizing priorities.<<

---I volunteer at a homeless shelter and an elderly couple that also used to volunteer there told me how they happened upon this place. They sold their house and took only what would fit in the trunk of their car with them. Driving all around the country. They have 5 grown children-- who all thought they were crazy. But they did it and said it was a growing experience for them and they are content with so little now. They live in a small studio apartment with minimal furnishings. They said they've never been happier. Isn't that something?..... Seems a bit risky to me-- but.... "what ever floats your boat"! :o)

I wonder if it's that you too shy away from emotions and connections? could that be part of it maybe?....





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poster:fleeting flutterby thread:850096