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Re: Drop and Dash aka Doorknob Confession Racer

Posted by Poet on September 3, 2008, at 19:08:07

In reply to Re: Drop and Dash aka Doorknob Confession Poet, posted by Racer on September 3, 2008, at 7:37:54

Hi Racer,

It's hard to type with my fingers in my ears LA LA LA LA LA.

I've never liked cuddling or really any long periods of physical contact. Dr. Clueless would probably say it's my sensory defensiveness which I would have to agree with. Damn it I hate it when I think Clueless might be right about something.

Plus I don'tcome from a family that is big on physical demonstrations of emotion. With cats, yes, people no. My mother says couples hold hands in public to keep from hitting each other. Though my sister is a hand holder and a people hugger, so go figure.

I do like it when the cats snuggle on my lap and nuzzle me, so maybe it's just human contact that bothers me?

>>Maybe you're afraid that, if you say it out loud to another person, it will become Real. It will become something which Really Did Happen?

It didn't happen, LA LA LA LA LA, I have never actually said it out loud, T has read it when I briefly did journaling. I denied it for close to four years and that I wrote it was major for me.

I can understand your fear that you'll be told that it wasn't that bad and basically get over it. This is why only T and people here know. Plus I blame myself for it and I know I am not to blame, repeat three hundred million zillion times until I believe it.

I think it is more if I say it I have to admit it happened than I'll break down and cry. I never cry in therapy, but if anything could make me do it this is it.

Thank you for your incredible insight and you are as clever as I am if not more so.

Poet

 

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