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Re: My T is back and we met today (long) Tamar

Posted by lucie lu on September 3, 2008, at 10:05:33

In reply to Re: My T is back and we met today (long) lucie lu, posted by Tamar on September 2, 2008, at 17:35:36

> Hi Lucie,
> Your therapist sounds like a great guy. I like that he was genuinely pleased to see you, that he was pleased about your achievements, and that he got the thing about wanting motherly comfort despite the anger.

Perceptive of both of you.

> I know I definitely put my feelings on hold when my therapist was away all through June. And the first session back is always a difficult one, at least in my experience.

Actually it was your bringing up the subject in your first post to me that clued me in that there might be a connection between my behavior on Babble and with the Vacation. I honestly (obvliviously?) never really thought about the re-entry meetings. I remember we've had some unbelievably crazy last meetings before. Perhaps they just eclipsed the returns. I do remember one year being extremely angry with him for "deserting" me - leaving me on the operating table with all my guts hanging out, what the most polite part of my discussion, I think. But just before he left that time, I was in several crises at once. In desperation, he saw me daily for about 5 days and I was still flipping out about him leaving. Perhaps then his own strength gave out, I know he felt he failed (and I felt he had failed me). It remains between us one of many miscommunications, misteps, ruptures, of those days and never really resolved, except in a funny way, non-verbally. By some mutual, unspoken agreement, we simply have let that one slide. Every partnership has warts and that is probably the biggest of ours.

> I was really struck by what you said about feeling invisible. I hadnt realised it was an ACOA thing. My dad was alcoholic and I hadnt connected that to my fear of invisibility. And I dont know about you, but there were certainly times when I really needed or wanted to be invisible, to avoid my fathers bullying.

I wrote somethng more about that in my reply to Caraher, who expressed something very similar in her post.

> So I feel some conflict about it. I dont want to be invisible to my therapist, but Im also very afraid of letting him see me. Last week my therapist said something about the inside parts of me that I hide becoming real by becoming part of my relationships with other people, and that it can be frightening. (He was more articulate than that, but I cant remember his exact words.) Its interesting (and scary) how the whole issue of visibility / invisibility can be so fundamental to identity as a whole.

I didn't follow what your T said but it sounded very intriguing - if you remember, let us know!

> Sorry, Im not expressing myself very clearly. I wanted to say something about how even after the relationship ends it still exists - not just as a memory, and not like after a bereavement, but because both the therapist and the client are still part of each others identity.
"That the people we are afterwards is shaped by the relationship, and those changes dont just disappear."

That is very aptly put!

But I cant get the words right I need to start saving up for a bigger brain

Don't start the collection yet. You're doing very well :)


> Tamar




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