Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: My T is back and we met today (long) Daisym

Posted by lucie lu on September 3, 2008, at 8:56:43

In reply to Re: My T is back and we met today (long) lucie lu, posted by Daisym on September 3, 2008, at 0:52:10

> Hi Lucie,
>
> So much of what you describe is familiar. I think often we consolidate gains when we stop working on things for awhile - kind of like pro-athletes when they take a break before a big race. It isn't surprising that you would notice a lot of progress during your therapist's vacation. (I do like "Vacation" in Caps too.)

Yes, I do recognize a need for consolidation after an extended period of upheaval albeit with adventurousness and progress. I like the pro-athletes analogy. I feel like a long-distance runner who crosses the finish line and then collapses, kisses the ground, gives thanks to higher powers, etc. Then makes her way over to T in the stands and clings to his legs like a limpet ;)

> Sometimes I think we get really scared when we are doing well. And that scared part starts screaming and we melt down some. I'm often confused about these feelings that suddenly well up - I want to wrap myself around my therapist's knees and hide in the safety of his office. I've come to understand that he is my safe base. And I'm getting braver about venturing away from my safe base. But sometimes I need to come running back and I then get mad at him for *letting me* go so far from him. He sees through this anger as fear usually.
>
I usually tend to connect that fear with terminophobia, hence its appearance in his office. But you bring up a good point, maybe it's really more elemental. This does all feel to me like the experiences of a young child during separation-individuation (?) phase. I recognize them from my own children. so maybe these feelings really are all normal and maybe part of grander plan of moving through developmental stages?

> I'm wondering if these old feelings are your way of telling your therapist how much you missed and needed him. Sometimes instead of accepting the need to reattach for awhile, we go to that place of crisis - not on purpose, but we seem to have to feel really bad in order to receive the caring we want. We make sure we aren't invisible - at least in their office.

Crises, like being flooded with memories, are also a way of reminding me of our connection. We really bonded through the painful intensity of the really struggling years, where both of us pretty much got full trauma blast. But he stayed with me, really like a rock, even though I could see his anxiety, pain, and often exhaustion. I am still absolutely so in awe of how he stayed so completely dependable and constant, especially through all the dis-equilibrium. Plus trying to keep me in therapy even when I didn't think I could cope with it. I am incredibly grateful to him, he has made such an enormous difference in my life (which propagated to my family as well). Those experiences forged an incredible bond between us. Even so, it has been only recently that I have been able to really feel and accept his "regard." (Someday, tell me what that means?) Right now I am reactivating it in my mind to comfort me since I feel in dys-equilibirum, but that route comes at the cost of flooding, which is pretty counter-productive. I think I will call him today and ask for a short check-in call to help me refind my footing. He has always encouraged me to call, either weekend check-ins or when I really need him. I have his home number but have only called it once in all these years when I was really feeling totally out of control, suicidal etc. I voluntarily observe certain small boundaries (e.g. no email) myself as a thank you for how much he's given of himself over the years. Plus no good giving him a coronary...!

> Being flooded with feelings is really hard to deal with. I'm sure you'll settle back in and sort this out. I see progress as being aware of the feelings, figuring out the triggers and moving forward. Each time a little quicker and little easier. My therapist says it is a spiral - we circle around and around our issues, learning something new each time.
>
> I'm glad your therapist is back. You don't have to figure this out alone.
>
> Thanks. You too.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:lucie lu thread:849897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/850047.html