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Re: Ah, this is what I didn't understand

Posted by susan47 on September 2, 2008, at 9:51:47

In reply to Ah, this is what I didn't understand susan47, posted by Racer on September 1, 2008, at 20:11:24

You understand. No, I realize I'm still on the road to mental health; but I see what happened, I can see the roadblocks to mental health really well in retrospect.
My therapist was one of the roadblocks, but a HUGE one, as well as being a catalyst. He could have been a catalyst and a healer. It was preventable. My slide towards the hospital was preventable.

It is really upsetting to know he probably still to this day would deny any of his part in the role he actually did play.

How many other therapists are there doing daily damage like this one did??? Just read the boards, just read the boards. Read a few years back. I still haven't gotten an answer from anyone on Jada. I AM NOT SAYING MY T TOUCHED ME IN ANY WAY OTHER THAN EMOTIONALLY AND WITH HIS EYES ... staring at a patient's breasts when she is stretching ... it's okay, he's a guy he's wired that way, right? I mean, it is true isn't it? How can a female patient who's got rape in her past complain about where a therapist puts his eyes? How ridiculous is that? It's the same as him staring pointedly at my crotch when I sat cross-legged (I had striped pants on) ... he probably wouldn't even remember doing that although I think he did it purposely at the time. To make some kind of point. Like maybe I was being suggestive. Would that have been his point? He would have been incorrect. How can I complain about those things, although they affected me deeply at the time. Seeing I was in therapy with him. Seeing as how he also didn't have a clue I had any real issues, although he should have had, by then. He had had plenty of clues I'm sure. How can a borderline hide? Give me a break.
> It sounds as though you've gotten upset with me, and I'm very sorry that is the case. I am the last to say that mental health treatment can't cause major damage -- I know better.
> Good luck.

Racer, I'm not at all upset with you. I'm not really upset with anyone, only myself for not knowing better all along about my T, and about the profession, how closed it is to actual good change. But how would I know unless I actually wrote up a formal complaint?

I don't know. I really don't know. Seldomseen's attitude seems to be that I'm fighting paper tigers.

Which isn't the case. Although Seldom seems to have an insider's point of view, and is probably trying to save me a hassle and that's the attitude that tells me right there that it's useless.

I have to get over it on my own, somehow. By talking with enough people about it, I may be able to get past my anger into healing, real healing, for my marihuana habit as much as anything else, for the habits this T sparked and just didn't know or care any better. How can you be angry with someone for not caring? It's like getting angry with the devil for being the devil.




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poster:susan47 thread:849022