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Re: An Update - long, mild triggers Daisym

Posted by antigua3 on September 1, 2008, at 9:00:14

In reply to An Update - long, mild triggers, posted by Daisym on September 1, 2008, at 2:00:17

First of all, I can't tell you happy I am to hear that you're interested in someone. That is a huge step forward.

Part of me thinks that your T was following your lead on the present day subjects because IRL they really are important to you, and he was trying to help you make those small moves he has been talking about. And you have made some moves, in your own way and in your own time. Extra chocolate chip cookies for you! (or muffins, ice cream, whatever you would like).

That said, I can understand why he would have disassociated about the memory and was in collusion with you to hold back from discussing it. Each time we bring a memory forth and deal with it, we get a little stronger, and we don't have to go all the way back to the beginning with defining our feelings, etc., which is good, but it doesn't mean they don't hurt. I almost see it as a positive that your T was helping you focus on the present. I can't explain why, exactly, but it feels good, it feels like progress.

But each time you have a memory, you are going to test him and yourself, and the fear that he will have had enough of you is ever present until you get, achieve, or whatever, the strength to deal with these things.

I recognize that fear that when things are going better, we look for the bad, and expect it to happen because in our minds it seems to always happen to us. And it does and it doesn't.

I was given this example the other day. At night when we can't sleep we hear creaks in our house and we think there's a burglar and we build it up in our mind. 99 times out of a 100 it's just the house settling or something like that, but people who have grown up with the constant expectation of bad things happening work themselves up 100 times to believe something bad is happening inside the house. Our adrenaline system gets going and our fight or flight mechanism goes into overdrive. We're always believing that the 1% is going to be true, rather than relaxing and accepting that MOST times bad things don't happen.

That said, too, when we are off guard, memories do come up, and they come up again and again until we've exhausted them. That's just our way.

I don't want to sound Pollyannish, but you know that the memory has come up, maybe in part, because you are stronger to handle it.

And your T is there with you every step of the way, and always will be. But I think maybe he got caught up with the changes in your life and was helping you w/present day stuff. It's a parallel track running in our lives--dealing with our stuff and creating a new life. They will intersect at some point; I have to believe they will.

Take a deep breath and remember that he is, and always has been, there for you. He cares like few therapists I've ever heard about, so just trust.

yes, I wrote a book. Sorry, but I don't want you to minimize the positive changes in your life. And yes, you can talk about sex and how to make it better. He will help you with that too, I am sure.





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