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Re: Something is bothering me about my T lemonaide

Posted by JayMac on September 1, 2008, at 2:24:55

In reply to Something is bothering me about my T, posted by lemonaide on September 1, 2008, at 1:50:22

> I think I am going to ask him about this. But I find it frusterating lately. It seems like he forgets some of our major sessions where we talk about very significant things.

I can relate. My T is awesome, but she's asked me my age like 3 times. I find it hard to believe that she doesn't remember something as basic as my age. She doesn't remember some important details about what I remember saying about my past/history. I jokingly made a comment about it, and since then she's gotten better. She does remember subtle things I say and then she refers back to it weeks later. That always makes me feel like she's listening. For me, I especially need her to remember what I say, because I grew up in an environment where what I said did not matter. My mom is in such a mental state that she does not retain 95% of what I say when we speak on the phone. It breaks my heart to hear her ask me about something that I know I've told her about many times.
How does the experience of your T not remembering relate to what has happened in your past/present?

> Then we had this major emotional session, the one where I told him why I wanted to meet with my old T to work things out.

It sounds to me like you feel your T has let you down by not remembering all the pertinent parts of your being, of your life.

> Is there a way I can bring this up delicately? My usual approach is a very straight forward approach, but I don't want him to get upset.

I think it's best to be honest with him. Tell him that you feel like he is not meeting your need to be heard, to be remembered, and whatever else you may be feeling. I recently told my T that I need her to be thinking about me in between sessions and that I think she will forget about me. She understood and told me that she would not forget about me.

I do NOT think you are being too hard on him. I think you are being too hard on YOURSELF as demonstrated by the fact that you feel you have to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect to get into graduate school.

I completely understand that these sorts of things are definitely not easy to bring up. But the acts of bringing it up, speaking about it, and dealing with it that are all at the very core of the therapeutic relationship. It may be hard to see this now, but I'm positive it would make your relationship stronger for you to tell him how you are feeling.

Take care,




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poster:JayMac thread:849616