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Re: LOL! Monkey brain...

Posted by susan47 on August 31, 2008, at 12:08:50

In reply to LOL! Monkey brain... » susan47, posted by Racer on August 30, 2008, at 15:53:15

> > Thanks, Sunny. But about those two outside cats ...
> I do this too -- the tangents, and I think it's kinda charming whenever I see it.
> My argument about outdoor cats -- after spending an entire night and a month's salary getting a cat patched up at the emergency vet clinic -- is a little different from yours, though. There are two things a cat can do outside that he/she can't do inside -- get sick, and get hurt. (Although I've get to bring live rodents in for my cats, they're usually quite happy when a fly or moth gets in, and they do keep our household safe from aluminium foil crumples and ball point pens.)
> The one exception to that in my view, however, are barn cats -- feral cats who wouldn't be "tame-able" into household pets, who perform a job for the barns by reducing the rodent population.
I agree with you Racer, and we do need some cats outdoors there's no doubt about it, I know the city I live in struggles with a large rat population and what other creature do we live with that has roaming rights and the ability to kill a rat? But it's the decimation of the bird population that has me really worried. And now bees too, or maybe bees are a precursor.. it doesn't really matter, does it? Aren't we near the end of our habitation on the planet? (Sorry to go so deep, didn't mean to)

> And I think I agree with some of what SeldomSeen had to say. She made a very good point about joint responsibility in a bad therapeutic situation. Since I, too, had a Very Bad Experience, I'm going to pick it apart a little -- which by no means indicates that I don't agree with the premise. This is mostly clarifying it for me.
> First, responsibility is different from blame. You can accept responsibility for acting out the transference, and that doesn't mean you have to blame yourself for it.
Okay. I accept responsibility for acting out the transference. That's a given, as I made a promise to myself that this was going to be my last attempt to straighten myself out .. when I felt the "love" hit me, (I remember the actual moment of awareness distinctly to this day) I felt like I'd been overpowered by wonderful fairy dust .. and it didn't feel real, either. It also felt like I wasn't good enough .. immediately with the overpowering feeling of love, desire, to be in the company of this wonderful person, came a feeling of not being good enough. Triggers all over the place.

> Second -- your therapist is a professional, and is expected to recognize certain dynamics which we, the clients, may not consciously aware of. It's not that he should somehow have controlled you -- but I think a therapist really is responsible for helping us become consciously aware of those behavior patterns which interfere with our quality of life.

It's fair to say that my quality of life went downhill very quickly after I started using the telephone as a system of relief from my intense feelings.

"Setting boundaries is often an area that people struggle in, and I expect a good therapist to model boundary setting. I guess what I'm saying is that it's not his fault -- but I don't think he did his job in a way I would consider even minimal standard of care."

I think he tried, but trying isn't really the issue. The results are what count. The results sucked; I couldn't stop phoning if my life depended on it, and my life did depend on my phoning and getting release from intense emotions, which marihuana use was also bringing up. It's strange that he didn't approach this issue the way other therapists did. He didn't approach any of the issues they did, actually, in the very beginning of other therapies there's always certain statements that are made; he didn't make many himself. Perhaps he didn't feel it necessary as I'd originally gone to him with my husband at the time for marriage counselling (Hah! it was useless also. It was more about the therapist than us, strangely enough. How does this happen?)

> And my disclaimer -- we've only heard your side of this, so we're getting only one perspective. I don't think his perspective would be perfectly objective in this, and I don't imagine yours is, either -- but you've very clearly conveyed over the past few years your emotional reality of that period. Maybe he did try to set boundaries, and you couldn't recognize them?

Quite possible. I'd be interested in going over what those ways were; I know there were some. For one, he told me he'd only listen to my first two phone calls every day. Which didn't make much difference to me, because it was the relief of making the calls that mattered, not so much his attention to them, although that factored in some of the content I'm sure. I had to make sure I didn't sound completely stupid with emotion .. although that was a pipe dream I'm sure. I used to wonder if he listened to what I said and understood any of it the way it was spoken. Because each time I phoned, I was overcome by intense feeling and need.

"Maybe he unconsciously encouraged your transference for his own gratification."

Absolutely possible.

"Maybe he was replaced by a pod person who grew in his backyard."

Maybe. :)

"All I know is that I really do see a different set of responsibilities for client and clinician -- and I tend to think that controlling the process is largely the responsibility of the one with training in that area, just as I tend to think teachers are responsible for controlling the classroom.
I agree with you. So do many others I've talked to, but it doesn't change my feelings of failure over the whole therapy thing, over him knowing the real me, or the real me never being able to come out and be accepted. That's the part that I can't get over. I've never been accepted, all the feelings I had that I shared, none of them were ever validated by anyone; using a telephone was a mistake, all the important things went into the atmosphere and I am left empty.

> Sorry for the wordiness -- I'm concision challenged, you know...

Not at all.




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