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Re: My Story? susan47

Posted by Racer on August 30, 2008, at 15:25:26

In reply to Re: My Story?, posted by susan47 on August 30, 2008, at 13:27:22

> >
> So true. So let's talk about me. What do I think of you? And I proceed to make it all about him when actually it's all about me. And I am playing that role to perfection, really, by being discovered to be a Borderline... now I have to drop the way I think of him. Because the reverberations on a psychic level are too great. No matter whether he ever reads this shite.

Susan, I'm struck again at how punitive you sound towards yourself. Now, I can empathize with that. It's something I struggle with -- wow, Burns had it right:

"O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!"

Reading what you're writing about yourself, I'm seeing some of what people say to me. Go figure.

It seems to me that the reason you want to drop the way you think about your ex-T is that *he is not worth that much energy and attention from you.* It's not because there's something wrong with you -- it's about where your energy creates the best value for you.

As for the basic self-criticism you're describing, maybe this will help: evolution conserved useful traits, even if it's not always entirely clear what makes them useful. (You know, "what use is half a wing?") Our own, individual psychological evolution also conserves useful traits -- if you're holding on to this feeling about your ex-T, despite your hard-earned insight into that situation, then it's serving some purpose to you. Rather than beating yourself up for this, maybe you'd benefit from trying to figure out what that need is? My guess is that it's partly to avoid looking at something else that might be more frightening, something you're doing for self-protection even though it's causing you pain. And I'd further guess that it's also helping you avoid the difficulties of real-life relationships, which can be very frightening at times.

I guess there's also a school of thought -- let's call it the "Ashley Wilkes Effect" -- that you're not "loving" your ex-T, but have created a suit of shining armor and allowed him to represent it for you. After all, no matter what you really do know about him, I'd bet you don't know *him* -- what does he order in a bar, does he floss in the living room, does he wear his socks to bed? You're loving something, and maybe asking yourself what that is would help.

> >
> Do I have a future?
>

Susan, you're obviously intelligent, you have an incisive mind and a facility with language, and I think you're capable of a good deal of insight. You tell me -- does that woman have a future?

Good luck.


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poster:Racer thread:849018
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/849274.html