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Re: Identity disturbance

Posted by susan47 on August 27, 2008, at 14:00:11

In reply to Re: Identity disturbance, posted by Sigismund on August 26, 2008, at 17:01:41

> >You might share my cynicsm then that 10 sessions of CBT(!) will endow me with a fully functioning human personality.
> Well yes, of course.
> I did like med-empowered's idea of waking up out of mental illness.
> Hermitian was talking here about taking ownership, and that can take a long time too.
> I think there's a Radiohead song that has
> 'Women and children first
> This is really happening.'
> in it.
> I've lived most of my life as if it was a dream.

I understand about waking out of mentall illness, but the waking TO it is the most horrifying trip of all. I haven't fully recovered from the angst of Knowing. It still sometimes side-swipes me, blind-sides me with fear .. and regret, and so much f*ck*ng Grief I feel like I'm drowning.
My kids and my ex-Dear-H. whom I rent a room from, are used to the sound of me crying into the night, at times.
I f*ck*ng hate that part of it. Why I need to release, Release so much and where is the well it comes from?
And I get auditory hallucinations sometimes, but only the sound of a dear one's voice, and usually only calling my name once or some such sound, and I've gotten used to it and it doesn't spook me, only when I think about the grotesque-ness of my life, then it spooks me.
Own, I want to own my life.
And it is not a dream, it is a f*ck*ng nightmare so much of the time and I don't know Why it has to be that way. If only I could go back in time and be Whole from the beginning.
Does anyone know a good Shaman? They say soul-retrieval has some merit. I'm serious. This is a serious question. Anybody out there?




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