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Re: And Now

Posted by susan47 on August 26, 2008, at 11:27:39

In reply to Re: And Now susan47, posted by nebulae on August 25, 2008, at 20:20:55

He phoned me on Sunday morning I think it was in July or maybe August. He said "Your transference is too strong. I can't see you anymore. It's the way you are, the way I am, it won't work" and I said "That's okay, I understand. Don't worry about it." Twenty minutes later, maybe even ten, I called his office phone completely undone, completely unwrought, completely over the top and unremitting about how awful a person I am, how horrible. I was calling back in February I'm sure of that same year saying how this transference I was experiencing was really sick, it was wrong, and I'd told him I was in love with him back in his office I think around September. I'd left my husband in February (the wrong thing to do at the time, as I completely ended the next two years on the phone to my ex-T's answering machine, and crazy here on Babble as well).
I have been through hell, I have put myself there without realizing or wanting it, and my ex-T knew it all the time and was accessory to it and fearful of doing anything positive to change it.
I almost died.
I was suicidal.
I was in hospital.
I lived a nightmare.
I still live it.
I am heavily addicted to marihuana.(Although some "experts" would say, falsely so, that mj is not addcting .. IT IS.)
I am learning to want to live.
Please help me.




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