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Re: Sigismund - Harry Stack Sullivan vwoolf

Posted by Quintal on August 23, 2008, at 13:36:34

In reply to Re: Sigismund - Harry Stack Sullivan, posted by vwoolf on August 23, 2008, at 11:41:21

Your post is very welcome! What was happening around the time you stopped talking? 16 is a tricky age when we're leaving school and having to adjust to adult roles. Do you think there could have been some anxiety and self consciousness about that? For me I think it was the realization that I didn't fit in any more. That there were parts of me that weren't acceptable. I was ashamed of myself, so I guess I tried my best to dissapear. There were still elements of rebellion though, such as my frequent (and striking) changes of hair colour. I suppose I didn't want to fade away completely.

Back to elective mutism. I spoke to my family at home, well, not to have lengthy conversations with them. Maybe they hoped I was just a sulky teenager, but I think school would have let them know there was a problem. The only members of my family to challenge me over my quietness were my aunt and uncle. I used to stay with them for about two weeks of the summer holidays, and in the end they got sick of it. There was a lot of conflict and I asked to be taken back home early. They were so worried that they asked my parents to take me to the doctor, and she referred me to a child psychologist. She was a kind and sweet old lady, but a bit naive. I sat politely through something like five sessions, but I would never really open up. When she asked me if I felt better I said I was, and we left it at that.

As a side note, I found a lump on my testicle when I was 13 and was sure I had testicular cancer. I told no one though. I can't remember what exactly I was thinking at the time. My blood seemed to run cold, and I decided it would be better to die than have to go through all that treatment. Just shows how much I valued my life at that time. Now that I think about it, it was around that time that I stopped speaking. I think it began when I went back to school after the summer holidays. I eventually went to the doctor when I was 17 and she said it was just a varicose vein, but I didn't feel any better for it.

Anyway, I've talked enough about myself. I can't seem to stop it. But yes, it would have been very nice to have gone to a place like the Sheppard Pratt hospital. I think that might be the antidote to my narcissism. A bit of tenderness and affection. Someone to get in touch with the real me hiding beneath this gradiose exterior. I just can't bring myself to let people see what I'm really like. Should really talk more about this with T next session.

Tell me more about your experience.





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