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Re: My therapist thinks my situation is hopeless

Posted by muffled on July 7, 2008, at 14:19:51

In reply to My therapist thinks my situation is hopeless, posted by Dinah on July 7, 2008, at 11:48:52

Sigh, I am so sorry Dinah that you are in this position.
Unfortunately when dealing with mental issues, its all too common to not be able to get the help you need :-(
I understand what your T is saying. If you and your bro have made it clear to your mother wassup, and she still will not 'deal', then there is little you can do. You can try and find help for her, but good luck with that.
I s'pose you can keep an eye, or ask parish to keep an eye on her, and if it degenerates too badly, then maybe she can be put in a home of some sort, which of course, once again, is a HUGE mine field.
I suppose potentially you could rally the neighbors to help, get someone to lure your mom away for a weekend, then while she is gone, get all to pitch in and help clean out all the CRAP. Your mom will return, and either completely freak and end up institutionalized for a time, or, she will adapt to the reality of her situation. Sher may never want to see you again....oh well.....mebbe thats for the best.
But what I fear, and I thinkl your T fears, is that you will try and help out your mom to the ruin of yourownself. Your own family needs you, you need to take care of them, you have left momma long ago to have your OWN family, they must take priority over mom. You HAVE tried to help your ma, but there is only so much anyone can do. At some point, in order to protect your OWN family, you may have to just walk away. Tell your extended family your tried, but you cannot, will not deal with all this denial any longer. Your first priority is your own household.
Its not easy, it hurts, it sucks, its completely unfair.
I think your T is likely willing to support you emotionally thru this, but I think he at the same time is wanting YOU to realize the reality here.....and the reality is you are only human, some aspects of life completely suck(not ALL), and you DO have choices to make, hard ones :-( But please keep your own household in mind as you make these choices.
Protect THEM.
They love you and care for you and want for you to be there.
Don't destroy yourself over some batty old lady(YES she is your mom, and you can still love her, but you can preserve yourownself by keeping distant).
Say the words you need to say to her, and then if needed, WALK AWAY.
I get so angered by the lack of help for people in these types of situations.
Hang in there Dinah.
Know you got a good heart.
Your stressed cuz you care.
Hope this makes sense, I kinda fuzzy.
(PS, upon review, this seems harsh, but Iknow you will understand where I am comming from Dinah)
(pss, I am not deeply attached to my own mom, so maybe I come across cold, but I have a large emotional distance from my mom. I don't feel good about it, but I don't beat myself up over it either. She is a grown woman, and makes her own choices. She could change things if she wanted, or if she were mentally able, but I guess she's not, and I am not well enuf myself to deal with it. Its VERY sad to me, she gonna die and it will be too late, but I have to accept it just one of the uglinessess in my life, and try not to let it drag me down, sucks, but I dunno what else to do. I need to be there for my kids. I am trying my best. I am only human. S'pose the same could be said for my ma. I am not angry at her. I just can't deal w/her. Its just the way it is. I expect I'll be a batty old lady myself, and I'd hope my kids will walk away as need be, cuz I NEVER would want to drag them down.)




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