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T advocates ending my relationship

Posted by Tabitha on June 19, 2008, at 1:42:09

Well, this is new. I've been dating a guy for almost 9 months now. All along I've had doubts, and we've had ups and downs, and very nearly broke up in April. I've asked her a million times, should I leave? She never answered yes or no. Now, she is pretty clearly saying to leave. There is some new information about him lately, but I'm annoyed she didn't tell me this sooner. She says "so that's my job?" Well, yes, I do rely on her to advise me about relationships.

She says the emotional pain I'm feeling in the relationship is a signal that important needs aren't being met. Well this is a surprise, too. I thought emotional pain was just part and parcel of relationships for me.

Then we did some EMDR, where I sort of free-associate from the pain, and after a while she says I'm in a box. I think there are only two choices-- men who are smart and functional and closed off from their emotions, and men who are touchy-feely to the point of being needy and under-functioning. Plus, I don't believe someone with the best of both worlds (rational and functional, yet feeling) exists, or if he does exist, I won't be good enough for him. She says I'm not getting what I want because I don't know what I want and I don't believe I deserve it.

Well OK, but this is awfully *clear* for my T. She rarely gives me such clear pronouncements about myself.

I wonder, is she changing her technique? Or does she really, really feel strongly that I need to leave this relationship?

I'm not sure I like this clear advice. Now if I don't leave, I'll feel like I'm really doing the wrong thing. Yet I should be glad for an end to the uncertainty.

She says this is how dating is, it takes several months to get to know what a person and what kind of relationship they do.

Here I thought it was all going to be about how I'm too needy and need to fix *me* some more. Or I need to practice better relationship strategy and keep waiting.

I can't believe I may have done a good enough job with this one. I can't believe it isn't all my fault it didn't work.





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poster:Tabitha thread:835403