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Re: He called just now sunnydays

Posted by Happyflower on June 17, 2008, at 17:07:54

In reply to Re: He called just now, posted by sunnydays on June 16, 2008, at 22:57:21

> I think that ethically he has to make sure your current T is aware he is talking to you - I had sort of this situation before and they won't discuss much, just enough to know that this has been talked about. That you're not doing something impulsive without the knowledge of your current T, etc.

I think you might be right because when he told me all of this, I said that my T knows that I phoned him. And he said, oh, okay. Like he was relieved or something. he said, oh, so you have been talking about me in therapy, I said, yeah for a whole year. (lol, yeah you are deep sh*t) lol

> Are you sure you want to do this HF? I just get the sense that you want to vanquish oldT and for him to feel vanquished, and I don't think you're going to get that.
In my letter I told him that I just wanted to not feel bad or hurt when I see him in public. Plus since I am going into the field myself, I think it will be really important for my career too. If I can't get this worked out, I will change gyms, so I don't have to see him so much.

I think he'll either be really defensive and denying, or get angry. Also, some of the things you are saying, like you have said, are in an ethical gray area, so I don't expect you will be able to get him to agree with you that they were wrong. He MAY agree it's a gray area, but he may also claim that you interpreted it totally wrong and never told him how you were interpreting it (and that he never understood any hints or whatever signs you think he should have been able to interpret) so he never knew how it was
affecting you.

I know this and the thing is that I have tried many times to talk about this but he avoided it so much. He always told me that our relationship was like for practice in the real world. Well communication is a good skill to learn in relationships. Well I tried to communicate, and he didn't keep up his end of the deal. I already have a relationship like that with my DH, I didn't need another.
> I just want you to be prepared for it to go the exact opposite of how you want/think it's going to go. Human beings are fickle creatures, and terribly unpredictable. Don't get your hopes up. And I think it might be wise to consider not doing it, just because it can be impossible not to get unconscious hopes up, and, in my personal experience, those are the most devastating ones to have crushed.

Well he already crushed those hopes and I have seen him be a defensive, egotistic *ssh*l*, so that will nothing new. lol I am hoping after he talks to my T, he will know that I need to have some healing here. And the fact that my T is almost supervising this, will maybe make it a better outcome I think. But I am going to talk to him about his uncontrolled counter transference, that might get sticky, but I am going tell him what I think. I don't believe that he tried to hurt me in my heart of knowing, and I don't wish anything bad to happen to him. I just want him to know how much he hurt me and why. Maybe he will learn something about all of this.

Thanks so much for your support sunny, it is very helpful as always.
> Take care of yourself,
> sunnydays




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