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Re: T 'takes a moment' ..... backseatdriver

Posted by twinleaf on April 6, 2008, at 7:55:24

In reply to T 'takes a moment' - has this happened to you?, posted by backseatdriver on April 3, 2008, at 16:39:19

Gosh. So much was happening all at once in that session. You worked your way towards the basic human question at the heart of all relationships, whether they involve family members, friends or therapists- can you get your basic need for relatedness and connectedness met, even though you didn't have the proper conditions to do so the first time around?

He must have felt overwhelmed or stunned by the question- although I don't think he should have been, since it's THE question at the heart of all psychodynamic therapy. What was he doing during that silent moment? Leaving you alone in the room while he thought his own thoughts? Hiding his face, leaving you to look at his wedding ring and sense how strong his other relationships are just when you are getting in greater touch with how much you need, and care about, your own relationship with him? You must be worrying about whether anything you can do now can make an impact on your earlier deprivations.

I think it would be great to talk about every aspect of this with him- your worries, your anger, your uncertainty, your worries about possibly having been let down. If you are anything like me, and so many others who post here, this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING that happens in therapy- negotiating what is, and is not, possible to get in our therapeutic relationships. Even if you feel a lot of anxiety, and worries about making HIM anxious or angry, it would be so worthwhile to take the risk of trying it.

 

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