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Re: Agonizing over T Relationships *trigger + ran MissK

Posted by seldomseen on January 13, 2008, at 20:02:40

In reply to Re: Agonizing over T Relationships *trigger + ran happyflower, posted by MissK on January 13, 2008, at 18:55:39

>>>>What she provides me is wonderful and I wouldn't mind a daily dose of that undivided attention and listening and psychological help and soothing. But I have to look for those things elsewhere too. She is there to help with certain things, she can't be, or more I don't want her to be my 'paid' best friend.<<<<

>>>>It really does feel good. I guess, yes, because I view the relationship as one day terminating I have kept a certain distance with the attachment.<<<<

You know it's so odd, but when I first started therapy, I found myself saying the exact - I mean almost verbatim - things that you said in this post.

But now, looking back on it, I'm glad I had the guts to develop the attachment. But I really don't know I managed to do it - allowing myself to admit that I needed someone after so many years of not needing anyone. Allowing myself to miss some one and be hurt by someone - to this day, I don't know what came over me that allowed that to happen.

Oh, it was rough don't get me wrong. I used to call it face-planting in the therapeutic boundary. It hurt. It took a lot of work on both our parts to bring me through to resolution.

But, for me at least, I learned that I could absorb hurt and frustration and disappointment and not be devastated by it or end the relationship.

I used to think that being strong meant never allowing myself to get hurt, now I know that for me, it's just the opposite - it's being willing to accept the hurt and be okay with it.


I'm terminating right now and it's sad, but entirely okay I think because, like you said, this relationship was bound to end.

 

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