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Re: Agonizing over T Relationships MissK

Posted by twinleaf on January 13, 2008, at 18:49:58

In reply to Re: Agonizing over T Relationships *trigger + ran twinleaf, posted by MissK on January 13, 2008, at 17:56:57

It sounds as though we are basically in agreement about the importance of the therapeutic relationship, and the potential it has for really transforming how we live and experience our lives. I think you may be worried that, if we open the door too much to our unmet needs, that we will never be satisfied, and will enter into an unending and frustrating relationship with our therapists. I think you will undoubtedly have noticed that this does indeed happen sometimes with some therapists and patients. But, if we are fortunate enough to have a therapist who is able to understand what is happening, those almost unbearable longings from early childhood can be heard and understood. They can't be totally fulfilled, but they can be understood and heard, enough, to cause the favorable changes in our brains that Daisy referred to. This, in turn, allows us to feel that we are getting at least enough of what we need in our therapeutic relationships to allow us to grow and feel safe, confident, and comfortable in the world.

Anyone reading Babble can readily see that all of us frequently go through times of feeling that our therapists do not meet our needs as much as we would like. When this happens, it is vital for us to tell our therapists that we are feeling disappointed, angry and alone. Just letting them know this, and having them work with us over these feelings is tremendously helpful. Once we feel validated, understood and heard, it's easier to give up the longing for perfect, total, 24-hour caring that many of us have left over from unmet childhood needs.

It's sort of a partial getting what we need- to be heard and understood- and a partial frustration- not getting what we really needed as little children. Somehow, the not getting becomes more bearable in the context of actually getting something good in the here and now.




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