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Re: Agonizing over T Relationships *trigger + ran twinleaf

Posted by MissK on January 13, 2008, at 17:56:57

In reply to Re: Agonizing over T Relationships *trigger + ran MissK, posted by twinleaf on January 13, 2008, at 13:04:16

First, let me say twinleaf you have provided an insightful and helpful post as many have already commented. It is a wonderful balance to my post.

I have just a few comments:

> and then experience a different kind of response from the therapist than the ones they experienced originally with their families.

Yes and no.

Yes, I read alot of the acceptance and caring from Ts. I experience this myself with my own T and I lap it up and it has nourished me like nothing else has while we've been in session and afterwards brings up a warm feeling when I sometimes need it.

What I read sometimes though about therapist rejections, slights, misunderstandings, being unavailable or feelings of these, etc seem to almost replicate what some experience from their own families/backgrounds. Why perpetuate that in therapy or set up the conditions for that in a "relationship" with a T, when you can and probably already do get it for free.

This brings me to the subject of transference.

I am aware of the use of tranference. I understand that it is, or can be, encouraged in resolution of certain parental or other dynamic relationships. That the T serves as the figure for that dynamic in order for the client to experiece a different result than the original dynamic.

I would just hope each knows what they are doing if they are doing this. For me, I would say don't ask me to consider the T as the ideal replacement figure because then I would expect him/her to be the ideal figure.

I did experience some maternal transference with my T. I recognized it and caught it. I didn't perpetuate it because I realized that even though she says she will be there for me, etc. I also know she can't be there in the ideal sense. Has she been and will she be there when I might need someone for three days in a row at midnight or 1:00a.m to hold and comfort me? Or what if I think I need her to move in with me for a week or more because I am having such a hard time coping and it really would be nice to have her presence 24/7. Or better yet, move in with her for a while. That would be my ideal mother figure. That would 'correct' and provide a different outcome from what I didnt' get the first time around in addition to being listened to empathetically and with care.

That is not to say that many T's do go above and beyond the call of duty by permitting calls in between sessions and possibly even visiting their client in a crisis situation, but you get what I mean. They cannot be, in the complete sense, the subsitute of the original figure. So, on the subject of encouraging and use of transference, my reaction: don't ask me to do that or view or relate to the T in that complete sense either. Help me deal with those feelings of what I don't have or didn't get, but don't ask me to have a kind of substitute "relationship" with you, please.

For the record, I don't do CBT. My T told me she does systmatic therapy (still not clear what that is) and I think it involves some psychodynamic components.

> and need to have good experiences with a therapist over and over again.

I have had this in spades in the listening, care and attention and psychological explanations and understandings my T has helped me arrive at during our sessions.




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