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Re: Agonizing over T Relationships *trigger + ran

Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 15:50:10

In reply to Agonizing over T Relationships *trigger + rant*, posted by MissK on January 13, 2008, at 12:12:31

Twinleaf's post was great. :)

There are different types of therapy. Yours is a perfectly valid, perfectly useful type of therapy. So is mine. I'm a different person because of therapy. Years of therapy. I wouldn't say I was stuck in therapy that long. I'd say I was stuck before I went into therapy, and for a long time into therapy. I'd say it took a long time for me to be unstuck.

I call my therapist my therapist/mommy. And there are some similarities. But he's not really my mother or father or husband or friend, and he's not standing in for any of those things, and I don't want him to be any of those things. He's my therapist. We have a therapeutic relationship that I value very much. I don't want more from him. Why would I? He's my therapist. But when I say that and you say that, we mean two different things. And that's ok. It's two different sorts of relationships.

Today someone said something to me, in real life, that I never ever thought to hear from anyone's mouth. Not in real life anyway. I can't wait to tell my therapist, because without my therapist I wouldn't be the sort of person who got those words. I'm not the same person I would be if I hadn't been slowly molded and changed by my therapist. Because of my therapist, I'm aware of a whole... Well, the closest I can describe it is a whole new color range. Before therapy I was a person who lived in, say, a portion of the visible spectrum. Like someone who only sees shades of blue and violet. I didn't know what it meant to see red or pink or yellow. I didn't even know they existed.

I'm at a loss really to explain it. All I know is that seeing him without going through the whole relationship cycle wouldn't have brought about the changes he's brought about in me. I would still have just been limited old me with a few more coping skills. Being in relationship causes changes to the people in the relationship. Being in a therapeutic relationship brings about therapeutic changes. We mold each other, we shape each other like a river shapes a rock in its path. And since he has therapeutic training and I'm the one the focus is on, he's more like the river and I'm more like the rock. I change him a little, and he changes me a lot.

It's not the only way to get from point a to point b. But it's a valid one.




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