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Re: YES ... I told her annierose

Posted by muffled on January 12, 2008, at 13:43:02

In reply to Re: YES ... I told her, posted by annierose on January 12, 2008, at 13:05:02

> I'm pretty sure that I have voiced my fears and sadness during the past few weeks. She has received them and responded in kind.

*What does responded in kind mean? Sorry i don't understand.

> She has reassured me over and over that her schedule change has nothing to do with not wanting to work. She used the word, "balance".

*Sigh, my T cut back too. It WAS hard. VERY challenging for me. I thot same things. That she too stressed so she goto cut down. That I was wrecking her etc. She tells me not to 'personalize', meaning not to make everything about me. That she is not cutting back cuz *I* am wrecking her. I tend to do that. I always worry I wrecking her.
Then similiarly, I thot she would be much less accessable. It used to be I could only not call her on weekends, so now did it mean I could ONLY phone her Tues/Wed???? Thats how I felt. Allasudden she NOT there for me. She sayshe is but ashe NOT. But as it turns out, she HAS been there for me. THE best thing for me has been the email thing. Its truly been HUGE. I can send stuff out to her and that makes me feel better. We have talked about it, cuz I feel like I email too much. But she has said if I reply, its cuz I WANT to. I try so hard to beleive this. So I mail, and it helps.

> Both times she was late - was under 5 minutes. I know, I am hard on her. But to never be late and then to be late when I'm feeling so vulnerable already, it hurts. Once was traffic (I did see the slow traffic in the direction she must come from on my way to her office that morning) and the other time a phone call ran long.

*Late sucks, but over time I am better with it. She usu has a good reason. Sometimes she don't and then I just pissed at her, but I get over it. I know she not perfect....

> I brought up the money issue the second time she raised my fee. She acted surprise that the older fee was listed - but two years later - it's still there. I have not brought it up since.

*UGH. I hate the money thing :-( So does my T! OK now this situation you describe would TOTALLY piss me off. I think it would be VERY good to bring this whole thing up again and make it clear. In my T's practice, its sliding scale. The ones who can afford it pay more, and that helps with the ones who can pay only less amounts. I agree that going 3x/wk should have some consideration cuz you guys must mostly deal w/stuff in the office. My T does email and phone calls etc on the side, that she likely would not have to do if I was there as often as you are.
If money is a hardship, can you cut down to 2x/wk? In fact it might reduce the intensity of these feelings you are having over T. I sometimes think it canget too intense that often...but this whole last paragraph is only my dumb thots and may be WAY off base.

> She was very gentle yesterday. She said that she was here for me and wanted to help me with my scared, hurt, vulnerable feelings. But with her new part time schedule and all her vacations, I feel like her job is not important to her - therefore I'm not important anymore. It reminds me how little I matter to her when she matters so much to me. She said that her schedule is not set in stone. IF it's not working, she will change it back.

*Hmmm sounds like she IS trying to work with you?
My T did the same, a bunch of vacations. In fact I wish I could find it, I just blasted her here on babble one time cuz I felt so abandoned. More recently, I told her again when she went away that it was messing me up. She uinderstood, but explained ashe had to take care of herownself too.
UGH. I KNOW this, still hurts. And she accepted and validated my feelings and I guess that helped some. Still hurt. But it has passed and I survivred and I suppose I am the stronger for it. But yup, SUCKED at the time.....

> I called her this morning. I never EVER call her on her cell phone. In fact, I rarely call and ask her to call me back .. maybe once a year at most. She hasn't returned my call.

*Waiting for the call :-(
I think she will call back. In the meantime can you find ways to distract yourself?
And if she still hasn't called in afternoon, try again?

> I'm a complete mess inside.

*Yeah, I used to get myself SO freakin wound up over stuff like this. MOstly I do so MUCH less. So hang in there Annierose. For all the mess you feel, you ARE growing. Growth hurts.
Thinking of you and hoping T calls ASAP.




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