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You nearly made me cry Dinah

Posted by Racer on January 11, 2008, at 20:58:55

In reply to Re: Words out loud can be so hard (got long) Racer, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2008, at 19:48:06

>
> I hope one day you are able to find innocent delight in saying "I'm wonderful, aren't I" and looking to find the amused affirmation in a "parent"'s eyes.

Somehow, this was very powerful. Probably because that's part of my grief -- that I'll never have that parent, that Good Enough Mother, and I'll never have a chance to be a mother of any quality.

My mother strongly discouraged pride, and still does. I can judge how well she likes something I've made her by how much hostility I can feel radiating off her when she sees it. She also modeled a lack of pride -- "Oh, I'm glad you like it -- I can see all the mistakes." My aunt is the same way, only a little more needy on wanting to get praise for her work. With my aunt, I've told her to stop -- "You know you do good work, and it's OK to say so." And I did practice last year, after sewing a bunch of dresses and skirts, saying, "Thank you. I worked hard on it, and I think I did a good job." And then *not* pointing out any problems or sloppiness.

I guess I'm getting there. I just hope I like it when I arrive...


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poster:Racer thread:805666
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080101/msgs/805821.html