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Re: update-moving/leaving T., etc **mild triggers?

Posted by muffled on January 10, 2008, at 12:55:27

In reply to Re: update-moving/leaving T., etc **mild triggers? muffled, posted by 10derHeart on January 9, 2008, at 22:41:13

> > Are you guys talking bout it LOTS?
> > Bout how to stay in touch?
> > Bout coping?
> > Bout grieving?
> Yes and no. He lets me talk about it whenever I want, just like anything. I've put out one of my biggest fears already, which was these questions to him: "What if i can't stand it (missing him, etc.) and I keep emailing you? Or what if I want to hear your outgoing message so I call you after I leave? What if I ask you to call me back? What if I do those things More Than Once? What if...what if.....I act like your client but I am ex-client? What will you do?"

*Good for you! Keep talking....

> T. says: So, email! So, call me! What's wrong with it? Go ahead. Don't agonize over figuring out how NOT to. I will call back. I will answer your emails, because I will always be glad to hear from you. The labels of client or ex aren't important to me. You are you. You are 10derHeart.
> And probably some other nice stuff I can't recall right now. Helps a lot, BUT of course, I can hardly believe that will be okay. Afraid, as I always am when we get into this sensitive area, of being a bad girl and in trouble and never seeing him again ever, and on and on....blah, blah.

*Wow, now your T sounds lovely, no wonder you will miss him.
My T tends to be that way as well. :-)
I emailed my T over Christmas Hols. I felt so bad. I shouldn't have :-( I just HAD to....
Guess what, she mailed back and said 'thanks for the mail!'.
Then when I saw her yesterday, she said ' was delighted to get your mail over Christmas.'MANOMAN. I make MYSELF nuts!!! LOL!
I GUESS she honestly doesn't mind. She's only said it like more than a HUNDRED times!!!!
If your T is anything like mine....he IS there for you. I dunno why we have SUCH a hard time accepting this...
So I expect he EVEN proly would not mind a email, he would proly would actually LIKE to get an email. Whoah....
I'll go even FURTHER!!!! He would probably sad if you didn't!
My T has not complained yet. I send ALOT of emails....
I guess, when you think of it. How long does it REALLy take to read a quick mail and give a quick reply. Its nice to keep in touch.

> > Least babble is wherever you go!
> Yes! And really, plus being able to stay close with my family, are the only things allowing me to keep it together. Because the fact I'm going to voluntarily do this makes it so weird and hard to grasp emotionally (who to be mad at? myself? but that's no good...) Babble will keep my head above water if I need it - no one but the awesome people here could listen and understand about the pain of leaving a T. you can't even stand being away from for a week or two...:-(

*:-( Yeah, its not gonna be easy for sure. But your family will be there. And of course you can babble!

>Isolation is unhealthy on so many levels and only magnifies heartbreaks. I will not let that happen...I hope.

>> Maybe meet some special friends.

> I really need those. My daughter does, too, and SIL. We tend to stay to ourselves, and that's not so great for the little one either.

*One thing my Tpointed out to me is that people are different. Some like to have many friends, others just like a few. And the nature of the realtionships varies. I don't need much friends, don't WANT much friends! LOL! But the few I DO have are very important to me.

>she needs to be exposed to other folks. Hope to occupy myself going to numerous churches to find a church home - that's where I want my foundation, stability and potential friends to come from.

*Sigh...I a little fried bout churches...they split, go bad :-(
Choose carefully...
Getting involved at your grandkids school is a great way to meet others.

> I told him I can see how God has set this up because life has seasons and He knows best, so maybe time with T. at this level (actual weekly therapy) is done, and there is something amazing waiting for me out West. That God made it sort of a choice - stay where comfortable w/T. or move to live near granddaughter, other family....'cause He knows there is no choice. Since I have the freedom to do it (financially, job-wise) I will NOT be separated from her. I love that little girl more than life itself. first I was furious w/God (and trust me, some nights around 3 am I still scream at Him: how could you make me choose between T. and granddaughter, when I love them both?!!) then I realized my beliefs are that God acts always from love and we just do NOT understand (maybe later, but rarely at the time) BUT his plans are to help and nurture, not to even though my human parts scream, "no, can't leave T!!" I do have a still, small voice that gets through and says, 'yes, you can, and you will for S. (granddaughter) and because you do trust God's way more than your powerful emotions over one man...(t.)"

*WOW. I loved to read this. You helped me too with what you wrote. ALOT.You set an amazing example to me. Your granddaughter is SO fortunate to have you in her life.
Guess God wants you to do a growth spurt!
I need to find my faith better, its so important.

> So - I will go and be very, very, very sad for a good while. But I can still talk to T. sometimes, and I know I do matter to him. I know that makes me so fortunate compared to others w/T's with diff. boundaries.

*yeah. I like my T's boundaries too.

> What a lovely thing to ask, even now, too, waaay in advance. You are so caring. Yes, just listen, though I hardly deserve it as I don't provide much support here. I keep trying to do better, then I still freeze up and only read...

*Waaaay in advance....sigh..I expect the time will come all too soon :-(
But there are new adventures ahead for you!
Maybe you will come to my house and have coffee one day! :-)

> (((M))) Thanks. I try to have a good heart.

*Well I think your are very successful!
And thanks for the sweetthings you said bout me.

>I do get up, make amends, ask God to forgive and start over again. It's all we humans can do, right? Like every person on this board does all the time, with struggles with mental stuff and all - mostly we keep doing life, and we just don't "do hopeless" - at least not for long. I always tell my T. - I just will Not "do hopeless" any more. Been there, done that, hated the scenery.

* I loved this! I had spoken of amazing babblers to my T yesterday, how they struggle on and just keep going, and support others, jobs, etc. She was impressed!

> Much easier said than done, but with practice and Faith in something Higher and loving (for ME - I understand others don't want/have this), it gets a bit easier, you know? More automatic even with the worst emotions, griefs, whatever - to stop the spiral and say wait, I can feel all these things fully, and walk through them, But Hopeless....get Out! Be gone you Stealer of Good Things!

*WHOAH! You SO goto tell your T that Muffled thinks he sure done a GOOD job w/you!!! LOL! :-)

> Right now, I'm going through a rupture with T. as he messed up really badly and caused a misunderstanding about a session between two trips of his. Results was I did/do not see him for 26 DAYS, which is the longest in 3+ years.

*Stupid human T's!! Yeah mine has screwed up B4. But we got thru it. I grew from it. She proly did too.

> I tell you, just for him to write: "I screwed up. I hurt you and our relationship. I know you are super-scared," was so satisfying to me, it was like a long-distance bandage he sent from where he's still on vacation. but I am not done cussing him out and so there are tears and uncomfortable times to come. But I guess it makes us stronger. It has before. I just hate it more now and even minute is precious and why waste them fixing stupid stuff?! <sigh>

*Actually, this kind of 'stupid stuff' is the very thing that seems to bring us closer...we get thru it and our realtionship is stronger. We are stronger. We find out that mistakes happen, and its not neccessarily about US! Our T's just screw up, and cuz they DO like us, they honestly feel bad. But the care enuf to say sorry. They care enuf to make repair. And that feels good.
((( T's )))
Thanks for this post 10der. You grew me some for sure.
Its gonna be SO hard, but you'll get thru it.
You got God, family, babble, new friends to come.
You even still got T, its just different.
You can touch base w/him and know he's OK.
He can know your OK.
Its gonne be OK.

> I can blame it on Muffy 'cause she asked! Hahaha!

GLAD I DID!!! Ask and ye shall receive apparently!!! :-)





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